I've Been Rejected By The "In Crowd"

I have noticed that my friends and social contacts have diminished quite a bit over the years due mainly to seizures. I am often in a club / bar enviroment and have even had a seizure on stage before (how embarrasing). I seem to have them when I am up for long periods of time, don't eat properly and just generally party too much. If I care for myself and regulate sleep, eat on time and don't get too excited by stress, problems, situations etc... they seem to be controlled and don't occur ... but one little slip up and I'm going down. This sucks when I want to go out with friends, or hang out late and just basically get fu*ked up and drink and party and get festive into the wee hours. Does anyone else have this type of problem? Seizures have happened on dates, at work, twice while driving, at the mall, etc.... what I noticed is that people really freak out, all of a sudden everyone is having a good time and then "boom" Doug is "posessed" and falls out and starts flopping around like a fish. I hear random roumors about me from time to time which can be rather disturbing, I once even heard that I died. I feel very embarrased by this problem and even ashamed at times, although I cannot help it and wish it didn't exist, it does affect certain aspects of my social life. I hate the meds, they make me sleep way too much, feel tired all the time and I don't want to go anywhere because I worry that it might happen in public or even worse behind the wheel of the car. I live miserably with this each day. Anyways .. I just wanted to get that out... it feels kinda nice to share these feeling with people who actually understand and can truly relate. Douglas