My boyfriend has bilateral TLE and has changed over time.....

I wrote about this same issue last fall. I wish there was more information for partners and spouses. Especially coming from men (admitting the issue, dealing with doctors), however, I'm finding the subject isn't new. Still frustrating, either way. I empathize with you. I'm having the same issue with my husband and feel very stuck. Lack of desire is not easy for people to comprehend, when we've been cultured that "all men" want it or it's something we're doing or not. So over, "just strip in front of the tv," comments like that. It's medical/psychological, much deeper than how I'm trying. He doesn't at all. The frustration has led me to infidelity (which I don't advise), but years on end, fighting over it, accusations (I too thought he was up to other things). Reality was/is, it's just not an issue for him as if it doesn't exsist. It's very difficult as a woman. I don't feel like a lady, nor human somedays. My husband is very attractive, very well built (he works out alot). Many people think we are active in the bedroom; so not true. His short, snippy temperment is a problem as well. Reality; things are what they are. He's going to have to be on medication forever. He won't listen to me. I thought his new doctor could help. Seemed helpful at first, but only offered three other drug choices. From my research, they'll make him worst. He nods off like a dope addict. Anti-social. I've been accused by family (his) of keeping him in a way, from get togethers. Not true. I touch him, he snaps on me. Threatens me. Can't just use the cheat card. It's not easy going years at a time and feeling like someethings wrong w/you when someone else won't admit there are issues with them. Things would be so different if he'd take the time to be intimate w/me; refuses. Not his need so, get lost attitude. Again, the cheat card. We use to be bunny rabbits before his dosage increased and increased. Now, he pretty much lives in the living room, I live upstairs. Talking to him either results in a fight or he shuts down. I can't live like this anymore. Truly need professional help to get him to a point where he's more functional in our marriage. We've been married 14 years. I would love to have him back as much as I can get him, but at this point, I feel all I can do is divorce. Feels like kicking someone when they're down, but it's not been overnight or two years. Ya know? I'm ready to live again, love again, move on, not around someone. I just wish I'd known as much now, when problems began. I took so much out on me. He has 0 accountability. Some can say, "Well, geez, he has a health issue". Point taken, but what about me? You? Other spouses dealing w/the isolation. Joining a group to keep me busy and live around him and my neglected needs isn't exactly marriage.

Plus..the rejection is the hardest part. I wish I had answers. Suggesting ED drugs, which we haven't tried, truly isn't the answer either. Who wants to be w/someone that feels like they're just letting you do it. It's a big circle, sister. Do some serious thinking. When you have some sort of answer, something we may be able to bring to light (besides discussing it, which I'm proud to see), let me know! Need help too.