getting off tegretol (carbamazepine)

hi, i'm ben. this is my first post on this site. i had my first seizure when i was 19, one random morning before class. i didn't know i had had one until a few days later after putting all the clues together, talking with my father who recognized the symptoms i described (sore muscles, unidentified cuts, bruises, etc.). i was prescribed to tegretol, 300mg/2x day. i took it for a few years without having another seizure. say what you will about weighing the pros and cons, but this medication makes me feel dull and slower. i gained weight. i fumble over words. i'm not as quick and witty as i once was. that is not to say that i'm unable to function socially... i do fine. it's just that i can FEEL the difference, and it sucks. i stopped taking my meds for about a month. things couldn't have gone better. i wrote a screenplay, started eating right and exercising, lost a whole lot of weight and felt great. i graduated school that year, moved to l.a., got a job. got my own place. things were good. then, one morning, i had a seizure again. i had to go back on meds. i couldn't drive for 3 months (which is essentially house arrest in l.a.), i had to leave my job. i was depressed, put back on all the weight and then some, stopped writing, etc. etc. etc... now i'm doing better, but not that much better. i know i could be smarter, quicker, wittier, happier... i hate being tied down by these pills... having to remember to take these mf's every morning at night. i know there are people on this site which much more serious symptoms than me, who live happier lives with more positivity. i probably make these people sick, and i apologize. i don't want to be 'debbie downer'. but i just want to stop taking these meds... but i know what happens if i do. does anyone have any advice? ideas? thanks for listening. ben