The Full Moon Is Alive and Well At My House!

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Okay, the child I keep threatening to send to Dayna is being all cute again. He comes over this afternoon, throws a tea towel in the livingroom and then pokes his head around the door frame to where all I can see is from the eyes on up. When I look at him and raise my eyebrow he says,'Just wanted to make sure you didn't shred it and throw it back at me first'. It's decided, Dayna, I'm shoving him head first inside the refriginator! I hadn't realized I'd grown my fangs back although I kinda like the idea of howling at the moon. Talk about relieving stress! And the idea of my howling is funny. I could use the smile. Heck! I'm going to do it! Anyone want to join me? Tonight at midnight. Dare ya! Smiles! -Spiz

Comments

Re: Re: The Full Moon Is Alive and Well At My House!

Submitted by spiz on Sun, 2006-02-05 - 02:16

Maybe I should have gone to bed an hour ago and stare at the ceiling until at least one eye closed. (Gotta have one eye close at night in order to be truthfully half awake due to being half asleep the night before...got it?) But, of course, I didn't. I stayed awake in my hormonal, jerky state and thought about my epilepsy. Actually, I didn't mean to think about MY epilepsy. I saw an icon of a rocking horse on a website I was looking at earlier. Everytime I see a rocking horse, it reminds me of my stepfather's son that died status epilepticus. He was 6 years old. The last time was too much for his heart. My stepfather had a picture of Jason and him. Jason was on a rocking horse my stepfather had made for him. It was equipped with a padded seat and seat belt to help him stay on. My stepfather looked at that picture alot and the sadness on his face even after all those years was heartbreaking. Jason had gone to heaven eight years before my mom and stepfather married, but I have always wished I could have known him. Met him. Said hello to him at least once in my life. My stepfather was the one that took me for my tests and to the doctors, etc., when my epilepsy set in. And he always seemed angry. He looked angry. And he never wanted to discuss it period...unless I threw a pity party. Then there he was, no sympathy, just the attitude of: cry - go to another room or beat it, don't let it beat you. The last is excellant...but when not said with any sympathy or understanding. I thought of Jason then too. Would he have been that way with him too? I hope so. It has taken me all these years to remember the key ingredient to that angry face. The eyes that hurt for me and would have done anything to make my epilepsy go away. The heart that knew if I couldn't be tough on myself, I would never survive how cruel the world could be. And the hand that helped me climb up that mountain, that at 15 I never thought I could climb. He's in heaven now, with Jason. And I want to thank Jason for loaning me the most wonderful dad I could have ever known. -Spiz

Re: Re: Re: The Full Moon Is Alive and Well At My House!

Submitted by mommy2kyra on Sun, 2006-02-05 - 13:02

Sometimes, it takes a few (or more than a few) sleepless nights to see why a person acts the way they do. What can be interpreted as cruel and heartless behavior may have been your stepdad's inability to cope with the loss of Jason, and the reminder of it whenever your E acted up. I'm sure that it was very painful for all of you. Sorry :( Hugs to you, Spiz! Heather

Re: Re: Re: Re: The Full Moon Is Alive and Well At My House!

Submitted by spiz on Sun, 2006-02-05 - 15:14

I'm sure you are right, Heather. I'm in such deep thought about Jason lately. I've always felt such a huge sadness where he is concerned. I wonder if things would have been better and different for him now than they were back then. Of course there would have been more medication options and his type of epilepsy and seizures could have been pinpointed. The terms back then consisted of grand mal and petit mal only. His were, of course, grand mal. I so admire all the people having the different surgeries. These people are making a huge step for all of us...each and every one of them. These surgeries can one day make a guaranteed difference for the Jasons of the world. I do believe this! They knew nothing back when Jason had it. Look how much they have learned. And it's because of all the people willing to try new meds,surgeries, etc. The pioneers. This gives me hope for the generations ahead. I salute you all! -Spiz