remote symptomatic seizures

I have been diagnosed with remote symptomatic seizures on right temporal lobe 4 yrs ago.I had a brain injury which left a concussion that went undetected.the docs in Singapore,changihospital stiched me up and sent me home.only after 2 weeks to return with the clot burst damaging my neurons,leaving my left side paralyzed and a glial scar on my temporal lobe where the clot had burst.took me 4 months to get my left side fully working and 1 more year to get back to my work.I work in ibm as a computer programmer which the doctors in changi said I won't be able to as I won't be able to concentrate or do anything that need high amount of brain CPU which is what my job needs working on OS like AIX,native computer kernel development et al.4 months after my paralysis had gone and 3 months before I joined work,approximately 10months after I was first admitted to the hospital with the clot burst they stopped all medicines including phenytoin.it was then I had my first seizure,grand mal.I don't remember anything.woke up with my mom calling the ambulance.was in hospital for 4 days without any further seizures.the Neuro treating me on 50mg parietal twice daily and I kept having seizures fortnightly.I don't lose consciousness and know it's coming as the aura starts building up.since my scar is on the right temporal lobe the electric schools of the seizure cripples and wrecks my left side from my head to toe.the whole shaking,writhing,tremors lasts for 3minutes or so and I'm conscious.after it stops at times I can get back to work within few minutes and sometimes I can't take it and go to sleep.sometimes I vomit when I'm having the seizure.I recently changed my Neuro who added 1000mg keppra in addition to 100mg daily lamictal a month ago.so far in this month I have had the aura building up twice but no seizure.if anyone out there can help with their 2 cents I would be much obliged.and oh,I do keep having 1 or 2 pints of lager once or twice in a week.I know its not perfect but when I didn't I had those seizures anyways.plus the whole social quotient has changed for me in 3 years.I actually witnessed firsthand how people stop engaging with a person who has epilepsy and at best comes in with some outlandish,warped sympathetic attitude that makes me respond like Jack Nicholson does in most of his roles when under duress. O know that I can easily put the bullet in the gun and shoot myself for good,I have that in me now.Muhammad Ali was wrong when he said that God wouldn't give man a burden he can't carry.I can't,have had enuf and can't live with this no more.I have even stopped missing computers,kernels,flip flops etc.,the entrails of a machine.ibm selected me from 345 students in my college for a computer engineering job paying me a salary that was many times more than people who had 5yrs or more work experience.I can never reach the point where I would have by now even in next 10 yrs.