Hi! (Introduction) **pretty long, sorry**

My name’s Emily and I’m 17. As a small child I suffered from Tonic Clonic seizures. Having those types of seizures at such a young age was tough, I was tested with about every known medication in the book. In fall of 2012, right after starting 6th grade, I was told by my neurologist at St. louis Children’s hospital that I had “outgrown” my seizures. Of course, I was relieved, until recently me and my family have discovered that my doctor was wrong. On February 8, 2017, I had my first seizure in 5 years. They’ve, thankfully, transitioned into simple partial/mild TC epileptic fits that usually do not disrupt my everyday life. I am in public high school, the biggest HS in Missouri, so things spread around fast. Not only that, I am a part of our band, which includes competition marching band. Of course, someone with this abnormality can’t normally handle the overall pressure of being on a football field in front of thousands of people. Adding in the bright stadium lights and the sound of 160 something instruments being played at once, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I told my band director that I couldn’t be on the field, that it was too stressful and not good for my health. For the last few weeks, I’ve been an outcast on the bench. I sat on cold bleachers for 2 hours in 40 degree weather while trying to do something productive. I missed out on performing in the brand new Mercedes Benz stadium in Atlanta because I had to stay close to my family in case something happened. The first week of sitting out, one of my best friends stopped talking to me. It turns out, she heard a rumor circulating through the band that I was “faking” my seizures so I wouldn’t have to march. Now, this rumor hurt me, because I also struggle with anxiety and depression, but after learning from my friend that the entire thing STARTED in my own section, my family, I had enough. I waited out the rest of marching band season, and now we’re in concert band. I couldn’t even get through class without crying. Being surrounded by all those people who I know think something false about me made me want to curl up and die. After class I went to my band director and told him, “I have to quit.” He didn’t understand how I couldn’t just “get over it”. He then told me I can not quit. I love making music with all my heart and soul, and I wish I could stay in band, but I don’t want things to get worse. I’ve tried to educate people, tell them that just because someone who has seizures isn’t having visible muscle spazms, it doesn’t make their problem any less real. I’ve confronted the people that have been accused of starting the rumor, no one has said anything so far. I just want to live my life the way I want without uneducated and selfish people ruining it for me. But I guess that’s just part of life.