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Meds Are Driving Me Crazy!
Wed, 12/15/2010 - 22:28Topic: Medication Issues
So a little background on me, I'm on 3000mg Keppra XR and 300mg Lamictal XR for my seizures. Absence and grand mal with no known triggers other than missing meds. I've been on these meds for well over a year and I just sort of exist. Know what I mean?? I'm dealing with depression and insomnia. I stay up pretty much until the point of exhaustion taking over. My mind runs like a mile a minute when I'm laying there trying to sleep. I'm usually up til 3 or 4 am and wake back up between 11am and noon. I'm also dealing with memory loss, I've lost a lot of the info I learned in college. I couldn't remember daily work duties and wound up quitting my job to keep from getting fired. I'm embarassed because of the things I forget daily. I forget everything and feel pretty much like a slug. Can these meds leave me with no motivation to do anything?? Not even take care of myself and my family. Lately, I think I've been experiencing the "Kepprage". I get irritated very easily and angry over little things. The best way I can describe it is that when something bothers me, it's the equivalent of someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard. I'm afraid I'm gonna lash out at my son or husband. Can I do anything to help get back to living a "normal" life? I want to be happy and involved in activities and be able to take good care of my home and family. Any ideas??
Comments
Re: Meds Are Driving Me Crazy!
Submitted by army101wife on Thu, 2010-12-16 - 01:02
Thank you! Yes, I am a proud Army Wife. My husband is getting ready to deploy before the middle of next year for the third time. Other military wives without the added "bonus" of epilepsy go through a lot more than me and come out on the other side stronger. I really do need to look into treatment...I just seem to dread the appointments, the whole ordeal. I just feel like a lump. I look at all these other women around me that balance home, jobs, husbands deployed, and their kids. I feel like a big fat failure. I'm always tired (even with the insomnia), I'd rather stay in than go out, I avoid people I don't know if possible, I can't even seem to muster the energy to clean my house, I shower daily and change back into fresh pajamas (cause I'm not going anywhere). I've never been in therapy before, so that would be new to me. Drs here seem to think Motrin fixes everything. I see a Neuro off post and she's great but not very accessible. Is it the meds, depression or both? I'm so confused. My mom has chalked it up to laziness and sometimes I wonder if she's right. I want to do soooo much! I just can't seem to. Thanks all for listening. Advice is greatly appreciated! Now, I just have to act on my intentions.
Re: Meds Are Driving Me Crazy!
Submitted by Lisa in Missouri on Thu, 2010-12-16 - 02:06
A little Motrin and a bottle of Windex and you're all set! (Did you ever see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" If not, rent it. Funny.)
My mom always figured that Neosporin would take care of whatever ails you. I think I'll have them put "
If staying in bed all day is not normal for you, then you need some help before all part of your life fall apart. Not wanting to communicate with other people is not laziness. Girl, it sounds like textbook depression... jumbled up and complicated by side-effects of your anti-seizure meds. This is going to be a long haul, and you'll need the support and repeated butt-kicking most likely of your Mom to get you out of bed and out of the house in order to get to the doctor's office. (Can you tell I speak from experience?)
As annoyed as you'll be, listen to her, make appointments and force yourself to get outside. IT IS HARD TO DO. And if you have blackout blinds, keep them up. They make it like a cave and you will just want to hibernate like a bear.
Just try to accomplish one little thing, then another, then another. Maybe the whole day will be focused on getting to the post office and mailing those dreaded Christmas gifts you've been putting off. That's it. No long lists of anything else.
You have to schedule appointments far in advance with psychiatrists and neurologists, which i find so ironic because when you determine you need their help, you don't exactly need to be waiting three months. It's disheartening, but it's just the way it is. Go with it.
And ask to get on a cancellation list. The good news is that depressed people often forget or blow off their appointments, and you can usually get in if you're willing to hang out just a bit at the office (catching up on a good magazine).
Psychologist (for therapy) -- Again, I recommend a phd for a variety of reasons which I won't go into here. But also know that this is a long, slow process until you find the right person. It's like dating in order to find your spouse, only you're sharing some pretty personal thoughts and feelings with this stranger on the first date. Make sense?
It's often the case that you won't connect with the first or second therapist you meet with. If that's the case, don't schedule a second appointment. It's on to the next one. Super, super hard to make it through this process. But I promise it is so worth it once you find the right therapist. You'll look back and know that was time well spent. I'm sure that on base you will have loads of options for individual therapy.
Consider support groups - maybe epilepsy? maybe depression? While you don't want to wallow in your misery, it's also very heartening to hear other people describe the exact same symptoms you've had for years. A light goes off that tells you, "Hey, someone else has figured this out. I'm not the first!"
Normally, I'd send this in a direct message to someone, but because I know this is so common, I hope others can see it and post. I should change my profile name to "Never Waits To Be Asked For Her Opinion - Just Gives It." hee hee
Hang in there and know you're not alone. Hugs from Missouri.
Re: Meds Are Driving Me Crazy!
Submitted by Lisa in Missouri on Thu, 2010-12-16 - 00:12
Hi there, To begin, I'm assuming by your user name that you are, indeed, married to someone in the armed forces. Please let me thank you for not only your husband's commitment, but also for yours. I know that's an entire family out there serving, even when only one gets on the plane to leave for their assignment. Thank you again. It sounds like you might be suffering from depression, scrambled together with side effects of your anti-seizure meds. My goodness, who wouldn't be a little depressed (or a lot depressed) with a seizure disorder, a family who counts on you and a husband serving in the military during war-time? Seems very likely and completely understandable. It will take some effort to spoon yourself up (truly, I know) and drag yourself to several doctors' appointments in the state you're in... but.... if you can find a psychiatrist (MD) who will work directly with your neurologist, you might find some great relief with a carefully selected balance of anti-seizure meds and antidepressants. Then, ask your friends, family, etc. for the name of a good psychologist (phD usually) who can see you for therapy. Remember, just taking meds for depression is not enough in most cases. Therapy is where you can learn some great tools. And no, it's not lying down on a couch and blaming your mother for everything -- more like talking with a friend who just isn't connected to all of your other friends and family members. A super way to get unbiased advice. I highly recommend it! And for goodness sakes, don't be embarrassed about asking for recommendations on shrinks; everyone's in therapy these days, and lord knows, everyone's on some sort of anti-depressant! No big deal. Better living through pharmaceuticals. Warmest thoughts to you.