A poem i found i had written 4 yeards ago when i first found out i had epilepsy

I found this poem from when i first found out I had epilepsy. I was diagnosed freshman year of highschool and now i just finished my first year of college. its amazing how my opinion has changed so much. tell me what you think of it

 

I'm trapped and I can't get out

I'm just below the surface but I can't swim

They give me pills that help me breath underwater

I see all my friends above in the sunlight

They're laughing and joking

But I'm stuck down here and i can only watch

They come visit me and we swim together

We laugh and joke and I'm having fun

But then they have to leave

They swim up to the surface and I can only watch

I stay down here by myself

People above say they want to help and they care

But they will never know what it's like

To be stuck down here with nothing but hope that i can go back to where i was

But I know it will never happen

I see the people

I envy them so much

They aren't stuck down here

Forced to look up at the outside with the warm sun and smiling faces

They fear for my safety

I assure them I'm fine

When I wait for themm all to go to the surface I cry

I've been stuck down here for years

I've almost drowned six times

Every time it brings me closer to the bottom

I see others down here just like me

I can make them out barely because it's so dark

We understand each other

We know what it's like to not be able to be in the light

Some of them were born down here

They'll never know what it's like

They're lucky

I used to live in the light

But one day the darkness pulled me down

They thought I was dead

But I was only stuck

They couldn't pull me back up

So they found ways to keep me alive

At first I was scared

I didn't know what was in the dark with me

But it was only the others

But there's a monster that circles us everyday

We help each other now

It eases our pain

Some of us hide it with fake laughter

Others let their emotions get the better of them

I keep looking to the surface 

I shouldn't though

It's a lost cause

We're playing a terrible game

Every day is the same question

Will it happen today?

I'm swimming when my pills stop working

I'm drowning

Everything goes black as I see people diving to help me

All I can see is a soft light above

I want to go to it

It's my freedom to the surface

My hand goes out to touch it

But as I reach the monster comes from behind

It goes past me towards the soft light

It's roaring in triumph

I look with horror as the light is swallowed

My battle is lost again