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happiness

Wed, 05/02/2007 - 03:34
its hard to be happy when you have no control over your life. i live as a prisoner in my own home. i have no will power. it takes days to accomplish things that require just minutes. i am a burden to my family. i want to die but i cannot because suicide is shameful - it will bring sadness to my family. i am stuck. i am stale. my pride has disappeared. i have no hobbies. at the moment the joy in my life consists of the nba playoffs. what will i do? i dont know. i hope i die during my next seizure because it will mean i did not commit suicide.

Comments

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: happiness

Submitted by EarthMonkey on Fri, 2007-10-26 - 23:40
for a long time I was hoping that my seizures would kill me. But things can always change, as they did for me. I am happy it did not happen. I would suggest you consider volunteering somewhere. I did that when I was having lots of seizures and it helped me not just focus on my depression.

it seems all the darkness in

Submitted by sackofrice on Sat, 2007-10-27 - 19:29
it seems all the darkness in this website returns as light no matter how big or small. life has never been fair and i will never ask it to be. i want to fly and i want to care about tomorrow. i hope i do soon. i will see my brother soon. i will be happy to see him.

the one thing i am worried

Submitted by sackofrice on Sat, 2007-11-03 - 14:40
the one thing i am worried about is after every seizure whether it is within a month or a few weeks i have to start over. every time recovering physically just takes a few days but the mental part takes weeks and by the time i recover another seizure has occurred. i saw reign over me and it reminded me of me. it is a lot worse for adam sandler but i too get sad when thinking of the past - my pre-seizure days. i guess it is hard to accept that my life has changed. reading this entry makes me feel like a little kid. "everyone feel sorry for me." it is embarrassing to know that its true. i try to get this attention but i still dont like it once it comes. but it is easier when you are not face to face.

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