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Non-participating Chat Members
Tue, 08/15/2006 - 23:16I really like chat. I do for several reasons. A major one is I get to know posters that I otherwise wouldn't. Other reasons is I can vent, get real time feedback. Others can also vent and if I'm able, I can help them and that feels good. Sometimes it's just plain fun. One of the people I really enjoyed on chat was there most nights then disappeared. I wondered why, asked and was told because many people are signed up but many of them lurked or at least never participated. That very good participant is now lost - because of the lurkers. Frankly, I'm having a problem with that too.
Tonight at one point there were 13 people signed in on chat. 4, then 3, then 2 of us were participating. Two of us said "hello" to one person and we never got a response. I finally asked, where are these people, lurking? And also said I found that rude and uncomfortable. I DO understand sitting back and reading, but not even responding? Then someone they were participating in "private chat". Well good grief get on IM then. Normally I'm not a paranoid person but some very deep topics can occur in chat and to have someone lurking or have their name there and giving no feedback is NOT a good env. for anyone to pour their hearts out. I've had several newbies over the months ask me why there are names listed, specifically one name in chat but they never participate. I didn't know at that time why, am taking the person who informed me tonight they were in private chat that must be the reason. But for a newbie who is already insecure? Come on let's please not increase their insecurity.
I'd like to request if you go to chat to participate. No one has to gab and gab but at least make your presence known occasionally. If you want a private chat? Go to IM. There is one person I see frequently and only when I forced this person to say something I got a one word answer. Is this what chat is about? It shouldn't be. Please if you want a private chat, fine. But go to IM.
Gretchen
Comments
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by andy m on Sat, 2006-08-19 - 17:12
Were both in the UK aren't we? believe me that happens to me quite a lot and I think I have gone but apparently I'm still there and sometimes and I know this happens to other people we just get booted for no apparent reason..lol.
On the 'lurking' subject sometimes someone will come on line that may want to chat about something very specific and they may go into a private chat if that person is not on their buddy list I certainly don't feel slighted by this because if I know that person is getting the answers they want then that's OK by me. I have been guilty of this because I simply find it hard to keep several conversations going at once.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by spiz on Fri, 2006-08-18 - 10:20
I have often disappeared while logged into the chatroom. The main times is when answering post and looking up links to for them. That link leads to another link, etc., until the chatroom is buried underneath oodles of windows. Sometimes I am jerking too bad but still want to feel a part of the conversation and stay, read, learn from other experiences or laugh at their jokes. Never have I considered myself 'lurking'.
The IM, at least on my end, is notorious for only showing half of a conversation half the time and is very aggravating. The PM in the chatroom is dependable for delivering the whole conversation and I have used it often. I try to keep up with both when in the chatroom but there are times I can't or the conversation I am having is too involved to be able to. I've never considered it 'politically incorrect' being the PM is there for us to use as we want. Not hesitate to use out of fear of being considered rude or snubbing anyone by doing so. If I've ever made anyone feel that way, I apologize. It was never my intention.
There have also been times I've entered the chatroom and felt I've interrupted a conversation that is comfortable being discussed with ones the people already in there only. Or the ones in there don't know me and aren't sure what to say anymore than I am. I've gone in when there has been one or two in there and they are waiting for ones they know or are comfortable around to come in and don't say much. I never take offense...I consider that no more offensive than using the PM.
There are times I've wanted to just go in and watch other people talk so I won't feel so lonely when I'm depressed. I don't want to talk...I want to 'listen' to those I know as friends talk. I want to see them laugh and know they are okay as this takes my mind off of me. That would fall under 'Hide and Watch' or 'Lurking'. And it is this need that I feel would not be understood or 'politically incorrect'.
While we all want all to know that we are there for each other, we have no way of knowing what each other is going through at that moment in time. Sometimes the mood is too deep to express and the person is looking for comfort in ways not understood. Sometimes they are new and just scoping the room out to get the feel of the people there. Sometimes it may be someone waiting for a specific someone to enter to have a PM conversation with because that is what they are comfortable doing.
There are too many 'maybe's' and 'could be's' to list as to why a name is listed on the right but not talking on the left. Myself, I choose to be happy with the ones that are talking on the left and know the ones on the left will jump in when ready or willing or able. Unless someone is talking on the left and being rude or hateful in their actions...I choose to believe there is a reason of their own for not talking on the main board.
Again, if I have offended anyone in the past, I apologize. It was completely unintentional. Hugs!
-Spiz
Re: Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by honeybear on Fri, 2006-08-18 - 09:28
I tried to get onto chat the other night and all it said was waiting to connect for ages and ages so I dunno what was happening? so I dunno if I was there but wasn't if that makes sence. Sorry if I was.