Non-participating Chat Members

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I really like chat. I do for several reasons. A major one is I get to know posters that I otherwise wouldn't. Other reasons is I can vent, get real time feedback. Others can also vent and if I'm able, I can help them and that feels good. Sometimes it's just plain fun. One of the people I really enjoyed on chat was there most nights then disappeared. I wondered why, asked and was told because many people are signed up but many of them lurked or at least never participated. That very good participant is now lost - because of the lurkers. Frankly, I'm having a problem with that too. Tonight at one point there were 13 people signed in on chat. 4, then 3, then 2 of us were participating. Two of us said "hello" to one person and we never got a response. I finally asked, where are these people, lurking? And also said I found that rude and uncomfortable. I DO understand sitting back and reading, but not even responding? Then someone they were participating in "private chat". Well good grief get on IM then. Normally I'm not a paranoid person but some very deep topics can occur in chat and to have someone lurking or have their name there and giving no feedback is NOT a good env. for anyone to pour their hearts out. I've had several newbies over the months ask me why there are names listed, specifically one name in chat but they never participate. I didn't know at that time why, am taking the person who informed me tonight they were in private chat that must be the reason. But for a newbie who is already insecure? Come on let's please not increase their insecurity. I'd like to request if you go to chat to participate. No one has to gab and gab but at least make your presence known occasionally. If you want a private chat? Go to IM. There is one person I see frequently and only when I forced this person to say something I got a one word answer. Is this what chat is about? It shouldn't be. Please if you want a private chat, fine. But go to IM. Gretchen

Comments

Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by txrhb1 on Wed, 2006-08-16 - 18:25

Hi Gretchen, and thanks for your kind words ! Since I was in chat at some point last nite, and just disappeared, I was so afraid that I had offended others. I would be mortified to think I had done so! Sometimes, I know I'm not as diligent in logging out when I am going to be away for a while, and will watch that. Other times, I think it's either an emergency that takes us away, and logging out is the last thing on our minds, or we think "I'll be right back", and it doesn't work out that way. Again, thanks for your kind words, they are much appreciated !! I've been pretty down lately, and you helped lift my spirits !! THANKS! ((( hugs ))), Barbie *************************************** "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can fly only by embracing each other." -lucian de crescenzo

Re: Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by gretchen1 on Fri, 2006-08-18 - 15:21

Oh gosh, oh golly. I'm divided. I've read with real interest what others have posted and understand better now why there can be so many names, so few people. Once my baby dog had a sz right at my feet, dying a million mini deaths myself, typicaly when she sz's, I lost it emotionally, called my husband and totally forgot I was on chat. So, I know it can happen. I DO think those that posted though are not the people that spend oodles of time on the drop down menu. I understand one person has problems with IM and so do I. The last time I took it off? I lost an important function of it (DLL - something or other) so I get that. HOWEVER, I know for a fact that there are some people who come on chat not to chat, but to use the drop down menu and perhaps should have said that first. THAT is what irritates me. One night I asked one of these people how they were, multiple times. She and I have a bad history but if we're going to co-exist on the same forum? Work it out or get over it. I absolutely HATE bad feelings between me and someone else. Makes me wonder why I ever create that problem but I do. Anyway another person not knowintg this history also asked this person - how are you multiple times and finally this person said - "fine". Oh? I then asked how is your SO multiple times and so did this other person. I finally read - "fine". I was being blown off. I KNOW this person's SO is not "fine" and this is an example of what I'm talking about. I KNOW she spends all of her time on chat on the drop down. Of COURSE those who replied had valid excuses. I said I know I start getting intense auras, type weird during them, have had sz's on chat and everyone has been very nice, even concerned, it happens. I mean I KNOW Barbie is about the nicest person here. If Jessie had a sz? I buy it and I would have done as she did. But SO many people is very hard for me to buy their child had a sz.Even when I'm having an intense aura I can click ONCE and get off of chat. At the least I've gone back and looked at my typing and it is very obvious something is very wrong, plus people ask. I've even left and come back. Right now? I don't feel like I should go to chat now. That's my own super sensitive feelings but still...I do feel that way because of what I said and other things, but I won't take that back again because those that posted are probably not the problem. But I am NOT "fine". Again, as an example and that is what I'm talking about. This type of behavior? Creates for me animosity in chat. The other forum I'm on for PTSD? They just closed chat temporarily and I'd hate to have that happen. I don't see that happening here but it was a big loss for many when it happened on the PTSD forum. I don't go there that often but when I do? I NEED it. I do understand many things people said. I'm sorry to say though, your valid reasons do not apply to everyone and all I'm asking is to please treat others as you want to be treated or take your "ball" and go home. I'm really surprised the anger this thread created. I probably thickened the soup with this post. If so (if so?), I'm sorry to be offensive but I do think those with valid reasons won't be offended. Plus I'm sorry but I can not always be in posts all sugar coated. This bugs me. It was extreme the other night and nights before that. I have a beef. I stated it. Am I supposed to stuff it because it's what I started to do. When I stuff something it comes out in a different way so I prefer to try ahnd state things succinctly, but honestly. This is information, a request. Nothing more. That's all I plan to say. (believe that?) Gretchen ------------------------- I've found if I walk through my fears? I find courage on the other side. It's that first step that is hard but each concessive one becomes easier as I reach my goal -- Gretchen

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by spiz on Sat, 2006-08-19 - 14:05

You asked someone you have a bad history with how they were doing multiple times...if there's a bad history, why did you keep asking? I would think the first time would have been a signal that they weren't ready to converse with you. Yet you asked multiple times when you state there was someone else in chat you were already talking to. That person wasn't enough? Or was there something you were needing to prove by the multiple asking? The sting of being at the other end of 'bad feelings' is still there where I'm concerned, Gretchen, and seeing you post on someone else whom you still have bad feelings with stings me all over again. I know how it feels and it is not pleasant. Whatever the problem is isn't the chatroom or the forums problem. This is not a political playground to state self pronounced 'politically incorrect' rules over issues that have nothing to do with anyone else. I would say the person you evidently wrote this whole thread for doesn't want to speak to you so the obvious thing to do would be to leave her alone. Not make everyone else have to second-guess their actions in the chatroom. I have checked for chat rules and nowhere is it stated that people cannot go into chat for the sole intention of Private Messaging. If they want to go for that reason alone, so what? If you have something to say to them that is so all-fired important...PM them. Color me a Lurker...I've just decided I like the word! -Spiz