Non-participating Chat Members

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I really like chat. I do for several reasons. A major one is I get to know posters that I otherwise wouldn't. Other reasons is I can vent, get real time feedback. Others can also vent and if I'm able, I can help them and that feels good. Sometimes it's just plain fun. One of the people I really enjoyed on chat was there most nights then disappeared. I wondered why, asked and was told because many people are signed up but many of them lurked or at least never participated. That very good participant is now lost - because of the lurkers. Frankly, I'm having a problem with that too. Tonight at one point there were 13 people signed in on chat. 4, then 3, then 2 of us were participating. Two of us said "hello" to one person and we never got a response. I finally asked, where are these people, lurking? And also said I found that rude and uncomfortable. I DO understand sitting back and reading, but not even responding? Then someone they were participating in "private chat". Well good grief get on IM then. Normally I'm not a paranoid person but some very deep topics can occur in chat and to have someone lurking or have their name there and giving no feedback is NOT a good env. for anyone to pour their hearts out. I've had several newbies over the months ask me why there are names listed, specifically one name in chat but they never participate. I didn't know at that time why, am taking the person who informed me tonight they were in private chat that must be the reason. But for a newbie who is already insecure? Come on let's please not increase their insecurity. I'd like to request if you go to chat to participate. No one has to gab and gab but at least make your presence known occasionally. If you want a private chat? Go to IM. There is one person I see frequently and only when I forced this person to say something I got a one word answer. Is this what chat is about? It shouldn't be. Please if you want a private chat, fine. But go to IM. Gretchen

Comments

Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by tracymac2 on Wed, 2006-08-16 - 19:29

have done that a couple of times last nite being one forgot to log out and worried freinds sorry

Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by Joan K on Wed, 2006-08-16 - 17:47

Most nights, in the past, I have chatted along with the rest. Lately with so many new people, I am getting confused and I think I must zone out like I did with the colors in the beginning. I write a sentence and then realize how far behind I am in the dialogue. Sometimes I feel like I joke too much and stop writing if I feel that I have interrupted a medical issue. I wish someone knew how to set a topic at the top of the window and maybe we could have just a let your hair down night or a kids talk hour or some other ideas. I haven't been on lately cause I am moving my daughter and trying to finish the work on the house before hubby arrives tonight. I'll be back soon and hugs to everyone. Joan

Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members

Submitted by gretchen1 on Fri, 2006-08-18 - 01:26

OH JOAN, JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited for you your hubby is coming home at last. My gosh you've faced some hard trials with no partner.I would have whined and complained but you never did. And, too, you've stayed so darn nice and extended yourself to me, when you had your own concerns. You're inspirational. That's what we're all about huh? You have taught me by example. I CAN face trials alone but I get SO nasty (whoops). You know I'm in a way feeling very bad about the topic of this thingy. On the other hand I've been educated and for that it's worth it. None of the things people said did I ever consider. I conveniently left out the many times I've posted very obviously PI but excused myself, and shouldn't have. How dare I? Frankly specifically I really was not targeting anyone, but there is a person who never participates at least when I'm there and another said the same, and I mean, why go? But is that such a big deal? Can't I be a bigger person? I'd hope so. I've had a really hard week, heck the whole month has been a nightmare. I'm not excusing myself, I'm explaining. I depend on you all. Newbies and oldsters alike and I know at times my flaring temper shows it's nasty face. I wasn't mad when I wrote this, I was "correcting" but what right have I to do that? None. I am sorry. With so many excellent posts from others here? I don't want to remove it - but boy is it tempting. I also realized the very many tikmes I have been on chat, gotten a whale of an aura or just simply disapipeared (seized) and I DO remember Barbie calling me when I seized with such concern. Usually my husbabnd tries to reassure people he's got me taken care of but the reality is, he doesn't always know. I guess at times I'm a "silent seizurer"? I've seized so many times on chat? That is to my knowledge the FIRST time someone has spent the dime (dollar?) with real concern and asked-are you all right, when BArbie called me with real concern? I'm a schmuck. I was going to write I FEEL like a schmuck but the sentence before is most accurate. I know there are lurkers but so what? A few people, again one specifically I know is having a ball on the drop down private chat window. So what? I have enough watching out what I do. What business or right do I have posting what I did? I'm so sorry, very embarrassed and not a one of you deserved my criticism. Please, accept my apology. I do want you all to know - you taught me and I needed it. Love Gretchen ---------------------------------------------------------------------- When fear grabs me, I try to take that first step, each successive step on that journey gives me more confidence but sometimes more fear. It's up to me, my stamikna, to keep on walking. When I do walk through fear I find courage on the other side -- Gretchen