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Non-participating Chat Members
Tue, 08/15/2006 - 23:16I really like chat. I do for several reasons. A major one is I get to know posters that I otherwise wouldn't. Other reasons is I can vent, get real time feedback. Others can also vent and if I'm able, I can help them and that feels good. Sometimes it's just plain fun. One of the people I really enjoyed on chat was there most nights then disappeared. I wondered why, asked and was told because many people are signed up but many of them lurked or at least never participated. That very good participant is now lost - because of the lurkers. Frankly, I'm having a problem with that too.
Tonight at one point there were 13 people signed in on chat. 4, then 3, then 2 of us were participating. Two of us said "hello" to one person and we never got a response. I finally asked, where are these people, lurking? And also said I found that rude and uncomfortable. I DO understand sitting back and reading, but not even responding? Then someone they were participating in "private chat". Well good grief get on IM then. Normally I'm not a paranoid person but some very deep topics can occur in chat and to have someone lurking or have their name there and giving no feedback is NOT a good env. for anyone to pour their hearts out. I've had several newbies over the months ask me why there are names listed, specifically one name in chat but they never participate. I didn't know at that time why, am taking the person who informed me tonight they were in private chat that must be the reason. But for a newbie who is already insecure? Come on let's please not increase their insecurity.
I'd like to request if you go to chat to participate. No one has to gab and gab but at least make your presence known occasionally. If you want a private chat? Go to IM. There is one person I see frequently and only when I forced this person to say something I got a one word answer. Is this what chat is about? It shouldn't be. Please if you want a private chat, fine. But go to IM.
Gretchen
Comments
Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by EllieW on Sun, 2006-08-20 - 20:24
I think I may be that newcomer!
I was kind of curious as to if any rules regarding the chat are intact. As I had expressed via the chat, I haven't found any people to talk to and it has been a lonely year. So naturally, I was thrilled and excited to hear others talk, give advice, answer questions, etc.
I've gone so long with noone to talk to and maybe I'd gotten carried away or too excited, but someone had sent a message -to- me telling me to shut up, and that it isn't a Q&A Chatroom.
In all honesty, I really just wanted to find people to talk to. People who can tell me that it is normal to freak out over a noise that a fan puts out (which is a true example), but then someone else comes in and then they are mean about it. And that really takes away from the feeling of comfort that I was seeking when looking for a forum and/or chatroom.
I'd always imagined these sorts of sites to be as support groups, and it seems like there is anger between some people making us new kids feel extremely awkward.
It stinks that I forgot what I had initially planned to say, but whatever. All I wanted was people to talk to, and there were so many nice people there, but one rotten egg can stink up an entire house.
I don't want to have a seizure severity contest, I am new to this and I am confused. All I wanted were friends, and now I don't even want to go back to the chatroom because I don't even remember who the mean person was to leave if I saw them.
I'm sorry for babbling so much, and I know this is about lurkers. But I know the person who wasn't talking in the chat is the one who seemed to be mad at me for asking questions, and that was hard for me to understand.
Anyway, thank you for your time and those of you (Joan included) for listening to me, and for giving me advice and tips. It really meant the world to me and made my entire day. And Lee, whoever you are - thank you for being so patient.
Re: Re: Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by txrhb1 on Sun, 2006-08-20 - 21:35
Hi Ellie !
Welcome to the forum ! I am sure you will find many caring and supportive friends here on this forum, as I have. This is a great place to get answers to questions, share life experiences, and have a whole lot of fun in the chatroom. I am so sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience there, I can assure you that it is not normal and usually, everyone is more than kind and supportive. I hope you will give it another try, and that I'll see you in there soon.
((( hugs ))),
Barbie
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"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can fly only by embracing each other." -lucian de crescenzo
Re: Non-participating Chat Members
Submitted by Joan K on Sun, 2006-08-20 - 17:48
Boy. I haven't been reading for a while and this chat room thing is way out of hand. There are so many reasons that people could be mislabeled as lurkers, from food, phones, doorbells, kids, hubbies, seizures, low blood sugar, falling asleep, TV. Someone please define a lurker to me so that I understand the Intent of a lurker. Many times I will go into chat and only a couple of people whom I don't know yet are there and its interesting to get to know them. Other times the room is full and I experience a lot of being booted out of the chat room. We are here to support each other by listening and lending advice, if we have any, right? When I was new, I listened a lot and then older members directed questions to me to help me join in. They made me feel welcome. They and others still do. Sometimes these meds make me paranoid and I think I am being ignored in chat until I realize that a newcomer has a lot of questions and needs more attention at that time. I was asking a million questions in chat in the beginning and probably offended some people. I learned as I went on about saying brb when I go or if I am feeling sick I say that too because I am usually home alone. Many people have my cell phone number and call to check on me if I am off too long. I thank God for these friends and hope that others realize that if I forget to say brb to please forgive me and not think that I am a lurker. Mari, I need you here and Gretchen, you have always been so kind to me. You are all like siblings to me in my Epilepsy family. We may squabble at times but in the end, we are family.