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Does anyone else's family ever let them down??
Thu, 11/25/2004 - 19:54Comments
RE: Does anyone else's family ever let them down??
Submitted by Learner on Thu, 2004-11-25 - 10:25
Hi.
I'll admit that I've only scanned the many responses in this chain of conversation. What's jumping out at me is the resentment and all the negative experiences, perceived and real that many of you have shared. I do not have epilepsy but have been dating a woman who had MANY seizures every day from age 12 to when she had surgury. She has been free of seizures for at least two years and only rarely in the five or so years before that following the surgery.
To this day, she daily talks about how horribly everyone treated her then and still does to this day. I'm to the point where I'm sick of hearing about it. Intellectually, she knows that I've tried my darndest to treat her with love and respect and all that goes with that. There is a sence of mistrust from her toward me that has gotten old at this point.
Even though she is well past her teen years, there are many moments when her line of reasoning in these matters is that of a rebelious teenager girl.
We have backed way off in our relationship. I don't know if I should let her go or try to point out my observations. If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. I'd appreciate it.
What I do know is that none of us can change another person. We can only point things out to our loved ones and change our reaction to them.
Hi.
I'll admit that I've only scanned the many responses in this chain of conversation. What's jumping out at me is the resentment and all the negative experiences, perceived and real that many of you have shared. I do not have epilepsy but have been dating a woman who had MANY seizures every day from age 12 to when she had surgury. She has been free of seizures for at least two years and only rarely in the five or so years before that following the surgery.
To this day, she daily talks about how horribly everyone treated her then and still does to this day. I'm to the point where I'm sick of hearing about it. Intellectually, she knows that I've tried my darndest to treat her with love and respect and all that goes with that. There is a sence of mistrust from her toward me that has gotten old at this point.
Even though she is well past her teen years, there are many moments when her line of reasoning in these matters is that of a rebelious teenager girl.
We have backed way off in our relationship. I don't know if I should let her go or try to point out my observations. If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. I'd appreciate it.
What I do know is that none of us can change another person. We can only point things out to our loved ones and change our reaction to them.
RE: RE: Does anyone else's family ever let them down??
Submitted by momof1 on Thu, 2004-11-25 - 19:54
I asked this question in the beginning because it helps me to know that someone else can understand and relate to how I am feeling. It is hard for my daughter and husband to really understand how I am feeling. To know that someone else is feeling this same type of distance helps me.
I am not angry with either of them. They are unable to fully understand how much certain things mean to me. As I've said reading that it happens to others helps me to see that they do not do it to hurt me on purpose. For me this is a means to discuss what has happened, share my feelings with those who are better able to understand and move on.
Have you told this woman of your feelings? Does she attend any support groups? Perhaps she needs something along those lines in order to get past the hurt that she feels.
One final thought. You mentioned that at times her behaviour is teen-like. Although she has been seizure free for 2 years there is no way, I think, of actually knowing what damage was done to her brain during the years in which she suffered many seizures. Whatever damage was done could account for how she deals with certain things.
I wish you the best. Obviously you must care a great deal about her or you would not be looking for answers.
Please remeber, anyone who reads this, that this is only my opinion. If I am wrong I'm sorry. I do not wish to anger anyone.
Thank you
RE: Does anyone else's family ever let them down??
Submitted by 38benny on Wed, 2004-11-24 - 15:46
Before I was diagnosed with the seizures everyone let me down - by saying she's acting weird again... <I was a little drama queen when I was young>. When they finally realized that something WAS wrong with me, after I threw my walkman at a glass door and didn't remember it, they understood a little better.
My first husband stuck by me for awhile then got tired of "caring for me". I think I was maybe more of a toy for him in the beginning and then when he realized that I couldn't take care of him - he found someone else and left me - while having the seizures in front of him - he would just stare at me like he didn't care and his face was stone cold. My employers at the time did the exact same thing. I kept losing jobs because THEY would send me home because I would have a seizure... they said it was something else... but my work record was spotless... lawyers said I couldn't prove anything...
Then I met the man of my dreams. No matter what happens - he's there for me. From the smallest 30 second episode to a 5 minute losing control of my bladder in a car dealership with no recollection - his response " give me a chair for her to sit down and some paper towels so I can get this cleaned up" - he asks no questions - has no second thoughts.
I'm always worried about not having medical insurance for the tests for my vagus nerve stimulator or medicine and he keeps telling me to have faith - you only live once and not to stress yourself out, because the stress brings on the seizures... how right he is...
So yeah - I had my share of non caring individuals in my life... Thank goodness its turned in a happier direction.
JoAnne
Before I was diagnosed with the seizures everyone let me down - by saying she's acting weird again... <I was a little drama queen when I was young>. When they finally realized that something WAS wrong with me, after I threw my walkman at a glass door and didn't remember it, they understood a little better.
My first husband stuck by me for awhile then got tired of "caring for me". I think I was maybe more of a toy for him in the beginning and then when he realized that I couldn't take care of him - he found someone else and left me - while having the seizures in front of him - he would just stare at me like he didn't care and his face was stone cold. My employers at the time did the exact same thing. I kept losing jobs because THEY would send me home because I would have a seizure... they said it was something else... but my work record was spotless... lawyers said I couldn't prove anything...
Then I met the man of my dreams. No matter what happens - he's there for me. From the smallest 30 second episode to a 5 minute losing control of my bladder in a car dealership with no recollection - his response " give me a chair for her to sit down and some paper towels so I can get this cleaned up" - he asks no questions - has no second thoughts.
I'm always worried about not having medical insurance for the tests for my vagus nerve stimulator or medicine and he keeps telling me to have faith - you only live once and not to stress yourself out, because the stress brings on the seizures... how right he is...
So yeah - I had my share of non caring individuals in my life... Thank goodness its turned in a happier direction.
JoAnne