If you cant be nice than dont say anything at all

Re: Hi Cathy_C. Thank you for

Submitted by gretchen1 on Fri, 2006-04-28 - 11:27

Cathy - I did that same thing, I moved into a new neighborhood days before I was diagnosed. We had just moved away from our home area where I had a large support system. I had none where we had moved to and immediately I got diagnosed with epilepsy. On top of that my husband was just getting over open heart surery he'd had several weeks before. For several weeks I wished more than one neighbor would introduce themselves to us, we could start building a new support group but no one did. I was terribly lonely and frightened. Finally I thought, why can't I be the one then. I made a loaf of bread for many of our neighbors. I put a little card briefly introducing us and wound up meeting a lot of wonderful people that I'm still friends with now years later. I'm also from a country that has a national religion. I emigrated as a child so I'm really more familiar with American customs but my large family's custom is firmly, we're Lutherans. We had other customs too such as you did not go to church with a boy for any reason, such as if you are dating a man you would not attend a wedding with him in any church, unless you're engaged to him. If I did attend a church event with a boy or man I was dating, it would be like unofficially declaring I was engaged. In my lifetime I had attended church services two times that was not Lutheran. IOW my organized religious experiences were very narrow. The town we moved to didn't have a Lutheran church. It's funny now looking back on it but I felt real panic - what in the world do we do now? Right around this time, I'm not sure exactly how all this fit together, one of the neighbors I met was a delightful red head, with freckles and green eyes. She was from Bosnia and a Muslim. She told me 2/3's of her country were Muslims. All I had read about Muslim's were about people who had jahads, terrorists, murderers. She asked us to go to church with her. I don't remember what I thought, fear I think, but also surprise this red headed freckled gregarious and also pregnant woman was a Muslim. EEEKKKSSS She sure didn't seem or act like a terrorist! We did attend church with her and just me personally found that real Muslim foundations of faith were more in line with how I felt, and wanted to live. IOW I had made a lot of false assumptions about a large group of people and it was all incorrect. Going along with that something CAT said I can also be guilty of. Thinking I can read someone else's mind. I just might be the least skilled person in ability to do this too yet I continue to do so from a post or virtually, then get hurt or angry. I don't know if many agree with this but I feel like when someone has hurt me I want them to do for me as I usually do. If a post hurts me? I have written an email to that person and told them it did. Almost always it turns out I took what they said too personnaly, on the chin, or I misinterpreted what they said. For my self I post postictally. I was a member here for a year and the membership at that time, thankfully, got to know I'd write ranting, raving, crazy posts with tons of misspellings, very rambling, just furious about something, usually not on topic, often starting a new thread. What was really impressive about that is that people often responded with queries of - are you okay Gretchen? Are you alone? Are you seizing? Eventually a group of people asked for my phone number so they could call me, see if I was okay knowing I'm often alone, and very likely sz'ing. But it could have been taken the other way too. Sometimes I've posted and I know others have too, just slightly postictal, just enough our emotions are in hyperdrive and either write something they regret (I regret) or misinterpret posts through a heavy emotional veil. I'm always so thankful when people read a post of mine that is nutty and realize I'm probably post ictal and I do tend to want to post at times when I am postictal, unfortunately. I was even kicked off a forum because of a postictal post I made that was in very bad taste, I admit, but I didn't even remember writing it, until the moderator of that forum said I was out of line, and was kicked off temporarily. This is why if I'm insulted by a post and if I can't drop it in my own mind, I'll write that person an email, tell them I found that insulting and usually they're glad I did. I had misinterpreted what they said. We all have different writing abilities, different ways and capacities to express ourselves. In my case I write in English but often am thinking in Swedish, and the phrasing is different. So what I might write in English might come out too blunt or insulting because I'm translating in my head. It's also one of the reasons why my posts tend to be so long. It's really a hard skill to think in one language and write in another. It's takes me awhile to get there. I reiterate myself a lot. I also have brain damage. When I had a head injury one of the places it hit was my writing/speaking centers. I spent months and months in therapy and progressed beyond my therapist's prognosis. Mine too. But my ability to express in writing especially is impaired. I have run on and incomplete sentences. Sometimes the wrong word will be incorporated. I make a lot of typos but I'm not able to see them. I'm sure other people have their own reasons for having problems with written expression. IOW I know I need to practice tolerance because it's something I want for myself. Gretchen