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A Possitive Outlook
Wed, 01/25/2006 - 13:05I have been reading over the other threads here. There doesn't really seem to be very many people that have...I guess you would say, come to terms with their epilepsy. I have had it myself for over 13 years. I struggled for many years before I would even accept that I would probably be on meds for the rest of my life. I finally accepted it after my neuro said "You need to admit that you have a seizure disorder. You will have it the rest of your life. It isn't the type that will go away, even with medication. Figure out a way to accept it and deal with it or it will control you life." It is hard, but I eventually came to accept it. Don't get me wrong, I still do everything that I can to both control it and learn about it.
One of my main problems is that I alway felt like a burden to others. Every time that I had a seizure, my first words afterwards were "I'm sorry." That is the one area that I still struggle with. It's a toughy.
Has anyone else been able to come to terms and accept their disorder?
Does anyone else have the problem of feeling guilty for having epilepsy?
I don't mean to be offensive. I just need to hear that eventually, it gets easier.
Comments
Re: Re: A Possitive Outlook
Submitted by angelran on Tue, 2006-01-31 - 21:01
It is interesting to me to hear you say that you don't even like admitting to a partial seizure. I have the same problem. As in...not all of my seizures are Grand Mal, most of them are partials. With mine being nocternal, I find myself staying up all night if I wake up with even a mild focal seizure just to make sure that I don't disturb my husband's sleep. Then, I don't feel like I can tell anyone about it. People that aren't around it tend to freak out about it. It's hard to not have anyone to talk to. But ya know...you deal with it...life goes on and all that jazz.
I went to my neuro today. I had to thank him for what he told me all those years ago. It really had an impact on my life. I think that living with epilepsy successfully is all about the way that you view yourself and your conditions.
Anyway, here is to everyone who has had a rough day, week, month, year, or more....smile and know that you aren't alone. There are tons of people in the same boat and guess what...we're still floating. (sorry...bad joke)
Re: Re: A Possitive Outlook
Submitted by spiz on Tue, 2006-01-31 - 21:21
With me, it really depends on my mood for the day. I have days where you would think that I thought everyone had epilepsy and it was no big deal - down to moods to where you would think I was the ONLY one with epilepsy and could hold one huge pity party. And of course, all the in-between moods.
Some days are just harder than others, and during stressful times when my seizures are more active, thinking positive is the last thing I'm thinking of, which makes it harder to climb out of the negative funk I end up finding myself in. That's where sites such as these are so great. I feel guilty for feeling negative when others are needing positive, so I hide out on my blog and talk myself out of the negative.
I used to apologize after having a seizure, now I either get ticked and look it, totally ignore that I had one, or yell sh-t. The last is a great stress and anger realeaser, by the way! I can't picture yelling,'Great Gobs of Goose Grease', as doing a thing for me at the moment. Smiles!
-Spiz
Re: A Possitive Outlook
Submitted by elbertdee on Tue, 2006-01-31 - 12:41
Your not alone. When I first had to stop driving I was angy at myself, the cops, the doctor and viewed my condition as the enemy. I almost would have rather walked the 27 miles to work than ask for a rtide or take the bus. It stole my independence and I hated it. Well I finally deceided I was stuck with it and might as well be ok with it. So I worked on it and have gotten better about accepting it, but I don't like saying anything when I have a partial. That is still to much to admitt to. When I have a Grand Mal I always feel guilty and apologize to everyone around me, even if they were not there. I still don't like being dependant on someone else to get around, but have mostly accepted that it is the way it is. In the last few weeks I have been working on more acceptance of having epilepsy. That is one reason I came to this site. To find out more and it has been nice to discover that I am not alone. Thanks Elbert Dee