Feeling strange

Avid?I too had a serious head injury about ummm...I can't remember for sure. 4-5 years ago is close enough. Mine was caused because of clustering drops over a period of about 2 days. I already knew I had epilepsy. I whacked and whacked and whacked my head for 2 days and wound up with two skull fractures and 3 brain hemorrhages because Dilantin had reduced my platelettes at the same time, natch. Meaning I bled a lot intracranially, eventually it was apparent bleeding in my hair, ear, nose outside of...well you get the idea, which was a big complication, natch. Please know this! I am not comparing my head injury to your head injury. I doubt any are close to comparable in injury, recovery or residual deficits, if any. So I'm not saying - my head injury is better than your head injury (said in a childish sing songy voice). I am me, and you are you. I read a woman's account right after I was able to read again after my head injury who had an injury that did cause her epilepsy and at that time she was working full time, which I'd die to do but can't, had her sz's much better controlled than I probably ever will yet her injury description and she was believable, was terrifying to read. Stomach rolling to read, no one could have helped but wince reading it. So? There you go. Her head injury WAS worse than mine but she suffered less residual injury. In ways. She did develop epilepsy from it so maybe it's apples and oranges too - I retained a few other things she didn't.BUT when I read you had your head injury in July my fingers immediately got itchy to let you know about me. I had a LOT of deficits. Basically started over again at about a 2-3 year old level except for one thing - I was aphasic and that other word I can't remember but couldn't talk or read - loss of communication abilities made me not pleasant to be around for awhile. Very frustrated. So? I developed new ones - at a 2-3 year old level. YIKES! Speaking of that? There are times there are things I wished they wouldn't have rehabilitated. Such as I would still like being excused for throwing food at people when someone says something offensive to me! Didn't work that way. In for a penny, in for a pound (I'm substituting words like crazy and hope I catch them all). (I'm also speaking and thinking in all these cliches - sorry been a b-a-d day sz wise)It was a long road to recovery and what I've found is that I'd think I'd plateau, IOW well okay now THIS it it, only to get better by working on all the therapies (physical/speech/occupational/?Forgot). Never, never in my epilepetologist or neurosurgeons dreams could they know I'd come as far as I did. I think in part I did because - I just did. In part it is because even now I have to work at strengthening my slightly weaker right side, more to keep both sides in balance. I'm also back in speech therapy with some "slight" memory problems. I'm having some slight aphasic problems and I plateaued on memory loss, and it was felt I'm now ready to give it a go for more help. Ongoing process IOW for ME. Maybe not YOU. Also because I have, unfortunately, a hot little head, at times, and it just PO'd me off to no end that happened and I didn't like the "forecasts" (better known as prognosis IOW to me? Labeling. Kissing me off.) which was always followed with the disclaimer - no one knows for sure your final outcome. I felt? YOU'RE D*MNED RIGHT! And I set about in a rather wreckless ways, at times, to prove them all wrong. I did.My point is? What you have left now is not necessarily what you'll have at the end of a year, or three years. I'm still gaining strength, less spasticity in my right hand when I have to write say a whole page. Maybe you have plateaued. BUT MAYBE YOU HAVE NOT! Also, what was proposed to me as how I'd wind up was wrong. Also once I found my child hood records and found I had been treated at 7 for epilepsy (I got messed up here - sorry) Ummm....(fill in the blanks) was that you might have had epilepsy all your life but all of us who sz have low sz threshholds. At least that's the way I understand it - but I am never the gospel according to neurology. Ever. I am no doubt quoting someone or other and who knows if even that source was so smart but I think that's right. Different people have different sz threshholds IOW what provokes them to sz, which can be caused by other things. Many of my 9 daughters as an example had Roseola. Characterized by a very high fever for several days followed by a rash. But only ONE of these daughters with the same high fever had 3 febrile convulsions (gulp). She has a lower sz threshhold.You write very well. You sound intelligent. No matter what remember this - don't let others ever tell you who you are going to be or become whether or not you've had a head injury which has been my continuing battle having frequent sz's. I am NOT fragile! I have epilepsy and get hurt a lot because I have a lot of Atonic Drops which is a lot different than fragile. I have a friend and every time I stumble over a word she says - that's because of your head injury. How convenient for her but all people stumble over words, forget things etc. without head injuries or epilepsy. I will decide the days when I am "fragile". Sheesh that gets to me. And? BECAUSE, no one really knows ultimate long range results after head injury! shhhhh. It shall remain a secret as the years pass. It has been that way with me and other head injured people I've known. I don't mean to give false hope that is not my goal here. My goal is to tell you no one really KNOWS! It's all a GUESS. Medicine is a "soft" science. 2+2 doesn't always equal 4. Sometimes 3 or 5. Now the really weird thing is with the slight deficits I was left with, which don't "show" much now, but did a lot for a year and I was told sorry this it IT and it wasn't unless I'm tired I do limp, I had Bells Palsy several years prior to getting an epilepsy diagnosis. That's a virus in the 7th cranial nerve which innervates your face. Basically it made this nerve go bye bye and I looked like a stroke victim with a totally sagging face for 4 months to the day. The "forecast" was absolutely, I was told, this virus lasts 30 days and you'll be right as rain. Neither happened. I have partial paralysis of the right side of my face and it lasted 4 months. And THAT is the thing people notice and ask me - oh dear did that happen during your head injury? I don't mean to be nasty but I now just flip off a very confident, like every knows what Bells Palsy is, saying - oh no that's because of the Bells. Everyone says - ohhhhhhh (having no idea what I'm talking about nor do I owe an explanation). Would you EVER, I mean this, EVER ask someone, is your face partially paralyzed because of your head injury? I sure wouldn't, but a lot do and that still amazes me. I feel like asking is your rudeness and lack of sensitivity a result of some sort of head injury, and look concerned! (Sometimes I am a little beet sarcastic when angry)I have a dilemma though. Since my muscles are only partially innerviated on that effected side? I'm aging on the left side - but not on the right. I thought Botox was the answer but for various reasons I can't do that. What IN the world will I look like in say 10 years because I'm 56 now! My neurologist flipped that off and said something cutesy like always show your best side hahaha or something equally banal = I don't know. And I don't know. And that is off marijuana and I know it but I've contributed my fair share and then some to this thread so I'm personally giving myself license. Little hot head tonight aren't I? Sorry. I had to make an ER run early in the evening and it's left me a little - emotionally funked and lopsided, and probably a whole lot recovering from the drugs. Still I wanted to impart this "wisdom" and hope in tomorrmow I don't find I left out half the words or transposed words - if so, ignore. I'm fragile and have epilepsy. Oh well. There it is. And I wanted to reach out to you and tell you that.Gretchen

I have had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy for many years, and as I read your descriptions of "aura's" and complex partial seizures I feel compelled to tell you of a movie. This particular movie was released in the 80's, and at the time the experiences of the main character are likened to the ones experienced by people with complex partial seizures. The movie is called "The Dead Zone" and stars Christopher Walken. His first "seizure" is "visually described" while at the peak of a steep decline on a roller coaster ride. It's interesting, at least to me, to see "aura's" and "complex partial seizures" reflected with sensation in a movie. It's a good movie anyway, so make some popcorn, snuggle in, and you'll see what I mean (and what has been recognized by authorities on the subject of seizures.)