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marriage threatened by epilepsy
Mon, 08/07/2006 - 21:54Topic: New to Epilepsy.com
married to man with adult onset epilepsy that began about 18 months ago for no apparent reason--I cannot possibly imagine what he must be going through--he takes a LOT of medication and is under a lot of stress (can't work, no money, son in jail, I had a marital indiscretion, and much more) and frankly, I do not blame him for supplementing his medication cocktail--but I KNOW the alcohol is not a good idea, and I am worried about the pot (altho I hear it is probably ok), and he has a history of addiction (10 years ago) and I fear the direction he seems to be going in and I fear another grand mal and I don't know any more what is best for our 10-year old daughter--my friends are sick of hearing me whine, and I don't think they can really understand. I don't know what to do for my husband anymore. I don't know what to do for my family.
Re: marriage threatened by epilepsy
Submitted by EllieW on Sun, 2006-08-20 - 15:29
I would suggest you force your husband to seek help as these medication and drinking combo's is deadly. I would, however, like to offer you some advice from the other side of the fence. It is hard to explain what it is like to have everything and then nothing due to seizures or any other disorder, for that matter. I have packed my things and nearly moved out just to save the good memories of my relationship before my neurological problems stole those, too. Often times, I feel more like a burden than I do like a 'sick' person. The physical pain I have is extreme, but does not even compare to the emotional pain that haunts me daily. About your friends, in times like these - you realize who your REAL friends are. I sure did, and I ended up with one friend. :) I will hold that friend close to my heart until I die, and will not hold a grudge on the others, but I do wish someone shows mercy on them when they are in a position they need emotional support. Without actually experiencing this, it is so hard for anyone else to understand. And some people feel shamed by it (as I did) - I got to the point I wasn't telling my boyfriend my symptoms and went nearly 5 months half-blind before I couldn't take it and finally 'confessed' that I was losing my sight and went to an eye doctor. It is hard to talk when you know all you do is complain, literally. Do your best to understand him, and tell him - "I do not understand fully how you feel, but I want YOU to know that I DO want to understand and I am here for you." Let him know he isn't a burden, let him know that you care. You can, amazing as it is, talk to him about him rather than seeking comfort in your friends. I am willing to bet he needs someone to talk to, and if his friends were like mine - they don't exist anymore. I don't know how he can even do anything else along side with his meds, I am excited to be able to do my dishes on my meds; I couldn't imagine having a drink or two and then trying! :) Anyway, you can't let him do this - you will essentially be watching him destroy his liver and his life. Also, seek out a second or third opinion. Question his medications, because he may be drinking due to pain (physical) or something that can be fixed (like ringing in ears). I have heard of many people who drank to try and rid themselves of ringing in their ears. I wish you both the best of luck. I'll be making my own post here soon. :)