trying to live with this

Hey I know exactly how you feel, I had my first seizure when I was 16 yrs and I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap at the time. I had been around epilepsy my whole life(my brother has E) I never had a seizure I was scared and embarrased I thought for sure he was going to break-up with me and I did not want to go to school it was what I thought was going to be the end of my life I lost my job, I even quit school(what a mistake that was). I do not know what kind of person you but do not give up. I am now 33yrs and I have 2 beautiful kids one is 13(a boy), the other is 8(a girl). I was married to the guy that I had my first seizure around however like all men he is a cheater. I now have my GED and am in college and it is great I am still scared but I just have to keep going for me. I do have my drivers license and my own car. In the state of Maryland you can have your drivers license, as long as the MVA knows about your problems, all of them. Do not just say fuck it all, just say fuck all those people who talk about you like they know what they are talking about. You real friends will stand by you no matter what and they will be supportive of your situation. I had to tell my friends what E is and what to do if something were to happen around them. It was nopt as bad as I thought it was going to be. Write to me if you want to. I am always ready to help if I can. Laura

Guess what??? You're gonna make it!! There's such a big pull to be one of the gang, to be doing what everyone else is doing, cuz that's all you're around!! If you need to feel accepted, try to find an epilepsy league near you, or hook up with some people on this site!! You need to be with people who value you as a person, not as a pawn in society. Those people in school probably make fun of you because they're scared, and don't understand what epilepsy is. Yeah, it's really freaky to see a Grand Mal, especially if you don't know why it happens, or how it happens! Try to understand where they're coming from, and maybe they'll be more quick to accept you. Focus on the road in front of you, which is accepting the fact that you have epilepsy, getting control of it through medication, and then continuing to live a normal life!! It can be done!! I spent 4 years abusing myself, drinking all the time, not taking any meds, having sometimes 3 grand mal a day!! I finally woke up one day and realized that I needed to change my life, that the epilepsy wasn't going away. I took action, got on meds, got a car, a job, moved away from the bad relationship I had been in for 5 years, and felt strong again! Then I met my husband, and 3 years later had a baby boy! I found this web site about a month ago, and it has given me so much strength! The people here respond to you, and even if you're only reading, their experiences may help you feel more comfortable with your own!! We're all here for you, the people at school aren't the center of the world!!! -Sara-

Hi, I've been epileptic really since age 5. However, I was only having absence seizures from 5-12 and very few. At age 12 they took me off my meds and told me I'd outgrown this. Age 16 - a wicked virus, my first grand mal (at home, lucky me) but march break in a hospital, and back on meds told I'd never be off them. I got told a lot of "can'ts" and "you'll nevers" from doctors. My attitude was - ya, watch me. They said it would be tough to go through advanced courses in highschool. I pulled that off and did a dual degree in university (sociology/criminology). Thing is, I guess I lucked out - all my seizures happen at night. So, it was hidden. I was still honest with close friends and have been throughout life since age 16 (now 32) You find out REALLY FAST who your friends are, and those who are not worth talking to when you come to terms with being epileptic & all of the sudden you say you don't drink because of seizure meds., or there's a reason you don't drive - epileptic. There are always going to be people out there who don't get it, but there will be people who do. My boss where I used to work screamed at me daily to the point where often times I'd ignore him - I'd hear word for word him saying - is there some seizure thing wrong with you that you can't fuckin' hear me. Maybe you can't work full time. That's when I'd jump in and say - no I just block out screaming, I'm sure Chris down the hall can tell me what I really need to know. Our CEO over heard him one day, and nearly fired the man - instead I got comp'd extra for taking verbal abuse. The place I work now is pretty understanding. Instead, my boss asked for a piece of paper with everything they'd need if they ever had to call an ambulance and 3 contact numbers they could try before ever calling one. He's talked to my boyfriend (of 5 years) about what to do if I have a seizure, and how to help me stay mellow. Two opposite worlds. My highschool and university were like that as well...highschool I had one seizure there - no one got it, or knew what to do. My friends did, but teachers wouldn't let them. University, I lived in residence, my friends and roomate were always the ones who headed to the ER with me. As you come to terms with it yourself - others around you will be less scared. Think of this...if your attitude is 'fuck it and fuck life', then people probably look at you and think 'fuck her, she doesn't want anything to do with life'. Just because you have seizures doesn't mean you gotta drop off the planet - just means you gotta take caution. Go to the school dances, but if there's flashy lights go for a walk in the hall once in awhile. Caution. Life can't be that bad, can it? Hang tough - you'll get thru. Erin