EEKKSS- Incontinence worsening

Thank you Cathy. I guess I am depressed. I sometimes get anger, frustration, other emotions confused with just plain depressed. One of the things is to get right down to it? I had 11 children. Many of those I adopted, wonderful children and now frankly very successful adults, exceptionally exceptional young adults but it was a LOT of giving, scrimping etc and then they all flew the nest. I, for ONCE, got nice lingerie. Spent a small fortune at Victoria's Secret, felt very feminine and it was so nice to indulge on myself. Within that year I was diagnosed with epilepsy and shortly after that I start the incontinence thing. I went from Victoria's Secret to incontinence products. It just whacked me, then it gets worse. My husband handles this with extreme sensitivity which makes it easier, I guess. But there is that factor there. I have 3 llamas I rescued from abuse. Have had them for 3 years. One is very large, a real attention hog. I adore them all. Recently I started riding him bare back and he threw me. I must have had a sz, the pasture owner saw it, ran out and you know how easily it is to see wetness on jeans? When I was coming around he was kidding me saying something about I was thrown so hard I wet my pants hahaha. My emotions for awhile after a sz, and I think this was a short tonic sz, are in hyperdrive so to make that situation worse I burst out crying, he thought I was hurt, I wasn't, I realized in some part of my mind what had happened and then I got so dang angry at the whole thing. He's a nice man but not the kind I could or would explain and then I felt like - this is SO UNFAIR. Then I had to walk home like that. It's like you said different aspects of this are just hard to get over. This was already bard enough, then it gets worse. One of my doctor's staff is really good. I had talked to her about how upset I am about it. Plus you made a very good point about the elderly who frequently have to use expensive products and simply can't afford them. I was a home health nurse. Most of my patients were elderly, living on very very little. In their "golden years" they went through screaching hell just trying to live. Many of them ate cereal for all of their meals, couldn't buy Poise and I'm on Disability, it's not easy for me to buy them now either. Plus my husband does most of our shopping so HE has to buy them but he raised 9 daughters, buying these kind of products he got used to long ago and as I said he knows this has hit me pretty hard. I just dread it tho when I have to say - I'm out of Poise because of the expense and just IT. And then of course there sits all of my beautiful new lingerie, now years old that I'll never wear again and yes, it is depressing. Usually I have more acceptance than this but this is so darn degrading.Thankfully it doesn't happen all of the time. ANYWAY the woman from my doctor's office said she is going to find out if Medicare or my private insurance will pay for it if my doctor writes a prescription. They've never tried it but it's worth a try. Maybe that will help some of my anger/depression over this. She said more and more Medicare is paying for OTC things with scripts. It'll probably take months to find out, I'm not sure. If so, I wish all the elderly I know struggle to use other things because they can't afford things like this could somehow find out Medicare will pay for it - if it does. Oh well. I'm upset right now but I can remember other things I've been very upset about in the past and now it's just part of the big picture. This is also happening to one of my adult children and did happen to them at work. I think just that has PO'd me off so badly for THEM, it's gotten me excited. Their embarassment was gigantic. They're in a new job, the employer is being very nice about the epilepsy but wasn't so nice about the incontinence after a sz. What could he say? I'll do better? I'll work on it? This has never happened before? And he definitely doesn't want to wear anything and is now in the quandry of having to wear what to him is a personal woman's product. Again, how dang degrading. Gretchen

Hmmmm. Well that's interesting. I called them, wonder why they didn't tell me, or maybe know about it? Since I last posted I feel like I jinxed myself as it's gotten far FAR worse at night. The panty with a heavy duty pad is containing about 90% but then - there IS that 10% leakage too and I still have to get up and change all the Poise products. He did a UA to make sure I didn't have a bladder infection. Didn't. I see him on the 16th and I'm going to write that drug's name down and ask him about it. I know there is a drug out for leaking that won't work for stress incontinence but this problem is from a whole different anatomical problem so who knows? Good grief I'd be happy if this would stop - at least during the daytime. My poor son would be euphoric. It is hard on me but I can't work. He can, has occasional breakthrough seizures and like me, his incontinence frequency is increasing. He won't even wear khaki pants any longer, only dark colored pants to work in case it happens again. His boss made a very big deal of it. I think his boss did, or my son thinks he did, because it embarassed the boss and you know how sometimes inappropriate things are said when someone is embarassed? He thinks that's the case, still? He's a young man, my son, it was at work, it's bound to happen again. We're both used to sz'ing in front of others, that really doesn't bother us but THIS - good grief it's awful. Leave a mess on the floor and be too uncoordinated and out of it to even clean it up? I mean that is blunt but that IS the case. It's happened to me in stores. I do wonder why it sometimes happens at night, doesn't always. But my husband has a theory I'm starting to believe and that is when I fall at home and if I get hurt? That's when my bladder sphincter releases. Otherwise it doesn't. Yesterday I had a drop, I think by the time I was unconscious I whacked my knee probably on the edge of the dog bowl, broke a vessel in my knee that immediately swelled, bruised, was very painful and ran my head into the nearby wall. I wasn't quite unconscious when I whacked my head so hard. And my bladder released. Good GRIEF aren't we tough people? I chronically think that. I mean really think about it. Before I got diagnosed I fell really hard once on ice and became scared to death I'd fall again for years. Now I fall all the time. Sure got over THAT phobia. Sheesh, what a way to cure a phobia of falling. I'll let you know. Thank you for posting. Gretchen