Here's the deal.
I'm a 22 year old male. I had my first seizure last year when I was 21. I smoked around 7-10 cigarettes a day during college. I went on the patch to quit and completely ceased cigarettes...3-4 days later I had a tonic clonic seizure, and subsequently lost my license for 6 months. After that I was put on topamax. Doctors said that the patch couldn't have caused it but I'm not so sure. After that I (stupidly) started smoking again.
After around 11 months, I decided that topamax was driving me crazy. Went to my specialist, who said that I should switch to Keppra. I did and it was okay, although I had a crazy heart beat (rushing feeling). After a few weeks, I quit smoking again..this time cold turkey. A few days later I had another rushing feeling in my heart and ended up in the ER. They switched me off Keppra and put me back on Topamax (didn't gradually do it). 2 days later I had 2 seizures in a row, and lost my license for 6 more months. I was put on depakote. The depakote made me gain large amounts of weight (25 lbs in 5 months). I stupidly started smoking again after this time too...what with college graduation, finals, and moving to a new city.
I know I need to quit smoking, but as we can see the common factor here is smoking. I know I need to deal with stress and sleep (as those are probably big factors), but I use cigarettes as a crutch.
*note- please don't lecture me about smoking-I went to a very prestigous university, have never smoked anything illegal, and am gainfully employed- ie...I'm not stupid)
I really dont know what I'm reaching for here, except I'm scared it's going to happen again if I quit. I can't afford to lose my license for another 6 months, as I am now alone (not even a roommate) in a big city that basically requires a car. It has poor public transportation and is very spread out.
What should I do? Between the weight gain (quitting will make me gain even more wait and I can barely fit into my clothes now), and fear of everything that comes with having a seizure I'm not sure if it's worth it...but then again, I know later down the road it will be worse for me to have been smoking.