Community Forum Archive
The Epilepsy Community Forums are closed, and the information is archived. The content in this section may not be current or apply to all situations. In addition, forum questions and responses include information and content that has been generated by epilepsy community members. This content is not moderated. The information on these pages should not be substituted for medical advice from a healthcare provider. Experiences with epilepsy can vary greatly on an individual basis. Please contact your doctor or medical team if you have any questions about your situation. For more information, learn about epilepsy or visit our resources section.
Need Help Understanding Boyfriend with E
Fri, 05/05/2006 - 14:16Hello! I do not have e but my new boyfriend does. He is 21. He only shared with me that he had epilepsy after he completely ignored me for two days (he lives in tucson and me in phx - 2 hour drive ) I got a text message saying he was sorry he had been rude to me, and that it was because he has e..and that he doesnt take his medication regularly. So I told him I would help him. I have my email set up to beep his phone every night when it is time to take it. He claims he honors it. Then two weeks later...another "I cant do this anymore" and he breaks it off with me telling me I should run from him. THE night before was is telling me he is in love with me. OK..possibly he has relationship issues, but until I rule out the mood swings being related to his lack of taking his medication properly..only then I will consider that.
He takes Topomax. He asked me last night "why do I do this" Why do I treat people I love so badly? I am starting to hate myself!" He then said, I dont know what to do, I just need to take my meds then I know it will be ok.
So..could someone please direct me to a source of information on how I can help him? I know he needs to do it himself, but If I can help him, I want to. Is this normal behavior for someone who doesnt take it regularly? Depression, moody, cold hearted? When he is normal, we get along great and he is very respectful, loving and kind to me. When he is in that "mood" he shuts me out and dumps me! Always a day later, begging me to understand that it isnt him but his e that was treating me that way? IM SO CONFUSED!!
He is highly intelligent and so fun when he is acting normal!
LOL!...or could it be I need to read that book "he's just not that INTO you!"
Comments
Re: Need Help Understanding Boyfriend with E
Submitted by balletkat on Sat, 2006-05-06 - 09:34
It sounds like this guy has not accepted his E. There are times when we all want to run from E, but in the end we can't. He needs to stand up and take the responsibility for taking his meds. You can be there to show him that you love him for who he is, E and all and that can mean alot to him. It sounds like he may be pushing you away because of low self-estem from the E.
I know a guy that sounds like this too...one who cannot accept his E and he has pushed my friendship away because of what I have. If he accepts me, then he has to accept himself as well.
It hurts to see friends or BFs go, but if they can't handle life, best to let them go and more on. You can still wish the best for them and hope that one day they will be able to accept their E.
Mary
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank
Submitted by Queenbeeaz on Wed, 2006-05-17 - 10:42
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you both for your insight on this matter. I do believe that everything you said is true, and I had a little chat with him about taking responsibility for himself. He did continue to go back and forth with the way he treated me. Just to let you know tho, that I also found out that he met a girl one week after meeting me and was dating us both at the same time. Using his E as a tool to explain the reason he would withdraw. (These withdrawals were the days he spent with her while the weekends were with me!) I dont regret caring enough to come online and join your forum. In the future if I meet anyone that has E, I will have been educated enought to help and understand them. I have learned a lot. BUT FOR NOW....I MUST SAY, I think using your E to cheat on your girlfriend(s) is disgusting and appalling! So,as I am a "do unto others person" I will not tell his other girlfriend that he was "in love with both of us" but I wanted to post something for her here in case she falls prey to what I went through trying to help a person out.
Re: Need Help Understanding Boyfriend with E
Submitted by E_Loner on Fri, 2006-05-05 - 22:04
Hi Q, I've had E for 40 years. At the age of 12 I took the responsibility of taking my medication as instructed by my Neuro. Anyone with E who does not take their meds. as instructed I have no sympathy for. Yes, after someone has a seizure there can be change in personality, depression, and possible injury. The length of time is different for each E. I have Nocturnal Epilepsy my sharp response and easy to anger usually last for a day. From what I have read your boyfriend does not accept the fact he has E. How long has he been an Epileptic? You should not be responsible for his taking meds. You should not be his punching bag for his mood change and words. As far as learning about E, use Google, or go to your local library. I admit I am not a highly intelligent person, but if you boyfriend were H.I. he would take his meds. as instructed. After 40 years I still have problems having E. There are times I become depressed but I stay busy. I also have wonders,for example driving. Also mystified researching E and learning years ago males with E along with others who had mental problems were castrated and in some states laws did not allow Es to marry. As far as continuing to date this guy, DON'T. This guy should have told you up front he has E and he is responsible for his meds. not you. Good Luck, E_Loner