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Sexual Side Effects
Wed, 03/29/2006 - 14:24Comments
Re: Sexual Side Effects
Submitted by Beelezebub on Tue, 2009-09-15 - 21:53
Re: Sexual Side Effects
Submitted by clarissoul on Wed, 2009-08-05 - 03:44
I am soooo glad I've found this site, as well as everyone's courage to share. The lack of sex with my husband, who is epileptic, is something that I could well say, has torn us apart. For many years I thought it was just the humdrum of everyday, financial stress, and him just turning into a couch potato a-hole. I regret (not really, can explain) many of the choice I made, until I researched and concluded that most of his behavior and reaction was do to his medication. We've been married for 13 years, we're 35 and 36. In our late 20's he had seizures for the first time in over 7-8 years. (when I met him, he was on 200 mg of dilantin-we were bunny rabbits, now he's on 600 phenytek, went down to five, I'm a lonely bunny). His doctors increased his medication. Mind you, he had three children before we were married, in his late teen's early 20's. No problems. We tried to conceive for four years until we had one. (I just finished reading the forum on low sperm count-grr). I even had laproscopic surgery, and the doctor said I was fine. Never could figure out why I hadn't conceived up until then.
Beginning in 2003 until 2006, we had sex 0, none, nada. That wasn't floating with me. He had had his medication upped twice in that period. I only noticed that he was more irritable, short, and standoffish with me. Yes, I committed adultary I know that didn't help, but we'd been down that road when we were younger, he's very attractive, and so am I). I thought it was just him being mean, using my weight as an excuse (I'm not even overweight to the slightest, and I'm very cute- that's what people tell me anyways). It took me thinking back about most of our blowup fights, no sex, he won't even let me touch him. It was the medicine.
It's as I've told him so many times, I'm not on medication, I don't have an issue. His unwillingness to embrace a solution is my issue. I've even laid it on the table to open our marriage up. That would be too much to him to admit that his drive is gone, and permit me to cheat. I don't see it as cheating, I'm maintaining. It's my self esteem, dignity, and pride that has suffered in all of this (I am human, I have feelings, and he acts as if I have none). We haven't slept in the same bed for 7 years. He snaps at me alot (cusses loud in public, it's embarrassing), and the way he rejects me sexually use to make me so angry and hurt that I would just go out and "get r done".
I have alot of inner anger with myself about my reaction, my intellect, and realizing it took me so long to put the two together. I think I missed it because it's not the type of medication that makes him "high" so since there's no visual physical effect, besides lack of seizures; we both missed the physical/mental, lack of sex drive due to his medicine.
After lots of researching, convincing him that his medicine was the issue (I miss my husband. I didn't marry him like this. Never would've even dated him if he treated me the way he has over the past several years, let alone..), he switched medications. The only problem is, switching, then decreasing the dose (phenytek), hasn't helped. At first, he said he noticed the difference and felt as if he had more energy. We were out to dinner (which is rare, we never go out together because he doesn't want to go anywhere and do anything, yet he works out three nights a week) he told me he noticed he felt more energetic. I got all excited and thought, yes, straight to the bedroom-check please! Nope. Three months later. Since, it is August, and we haven't had sex since December. That was twice.
I can't live with yearly sex (I'm going through my peak, and sexual frustration on top of everything else is no fun). Yet, my friends who understand suggest that I go on anti-depressants to deal with my feelings about our relationship issues! Uhh...no. I don't need medicine, I need him to make love to me like we use to (at least once a month), I need intimacy (I miss him. We don't even hold hands, can't touch him, he folds his arms in or tells me to sit somewhere else in our living room). There goes the anger button again. I want him, I even fantasize about him, which he thinks isn't true. I do. I miss him so much. It took me one night that scared me to pieces, being with someone I know, for the first time to realize I didn't want sex with others, or release my frustration with others-I wanted my husband.
I'm so glad I found others with the same issues. I try to talk to friends about it, but I get the old, "just get naked in front of the tv, that will fix it". People who don't deal with someone who is on medication like this don't understand. I'm at a crossroads. Yes, I've "cheated" when I felt the internal scream to be wanted and feel human, but I don't want us apart, either. We don't know how to survive without each other. It's hard to convince another man that doesn't understand that I am not being some ungrateful, cheating wife (if I'm in a bar, I get the typical, "what's a beautiful girl like you doing out w/o your husband?" Dare I spill it. When I have, I get a 'Yeah right' reaction. Plus sometimes, 'shoot, if you were waiting for me at home'. They aren't on medicine and don't understand. It's not that simple as my looks. We really do have this issue. It sucks, it hurts. I feel alot of guilt because I don't want to leave him "in sickness and in health" as I promised not to. But our relationship is extremely unhealthy for me (lot's o liquor for my once a year 1 night stand treat), and I'm not so selfish about his health to risk him going off of his meds so I can get it for a minute.
Guys don't get that toys are not human. I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. He won't own up completely that the medicine is the problem (There has only been two times in 13 years that he's lost an erection, and one was last year), he has zero drive. He doesn't drink alcohol, either. He told me this morning that he wants to try another medication, but he didn't say for our reasons (we've been together long enough, I didn't need a romeo and juliet show to read him). I just know, from what I've learned, no other medicine is going to fix it all. He thinks that if he goes back on dilantin, we won't have all these problems, but I just don't know. I guess I can wait to see (I wait long enough, for years on end).
Alot too is that he doesn't know anyone who has the same issue. His mother is also epileptic, on medication, and shared with him that she switched medicines once because she noticed she was becoming anti-social, not in the mood to do the things she use to enjoy (going to church, etc.). She tried to help a little, but she's not a dude that doesn't have sex. The worst was in the beginning, trying to unload it all on me. Blaming me for why he didn't want to. We're educated but I don't know what feels worst, fighting about it when we didn't know, or fighting about it now that we do.
I am soooo glad I've found this site, as well as everyone's courage to share. The lack of sex with my husband, who is epileptic, is something that I could well say, has torn us apart. For many years I thought it was just the humdrum of everyday, financial stress, and him just turning into a couch potato a-hole. I regret (not really, can explain) many of the choice I made, until I researched and concluded that most of his behavior and reaction was do to his medication. We've been married for 13 years, we're 35 and 36. In our late 20's he had seizures for the first time in over 7-8 years. (when I met him, he was on 200 mg of dilantin-we were bunny rabbits, now he's on 600 phenytek, went down to five, I'm a lonely bunny). His doctors increased his medication. Mind you, he had three children before we were married, in his late teen's early 20's. No problems. We tried to conceive for four years until we had one. (I just finished reading the forum on low sperm count-grr). I even had laproscopic surgery, and the doctor said I was fine. Never could figure out why I hadn't conceived up until then.
Beginning in 2003 until 2006, we had sex 0, none, nada. That wasn't floating with me. He had had his medication upped twice in that period. I only noticed that he was more irritable, short, and standoffish with me. Yes, I committed adultary I know that didn't help, but we'd been down that road when we were younger, he's very attractive, and so am I). I thought it was just him being mean, using my weight as an excuse (I'm not even overweight to the slightest, and I'm very cute- that's what people tell me anyways). It took me thinking back about most of our blowup fights, no sex, he won't even let me touch him. It was the medicine.
It's as I've told him so many times, I'm not on medication, I don't have an issue. His unwillingness to embrace a solution is my issue. I've even laid it on the table to open our marriage up. That would be too much to him to admit that his drive is gone, and permit me to cheat. I don't see it as cheating, I'm maintaining. It's my self esteem, dignity, and pride that has suffered in all of this (I am human, I have feelings, and he acts as if I have none). We haven't slept in the same bed for 7 years. He snaps at me alot (cusses loud in public, it's embarrassing), and the way he rejects me sexually use to make me so angry and hurt that I would just go out and "get r done".
I have alot of inner anger with myself about my reaction, my intellect, and realizing it took me so long to put the two together. I think I missed it because it's not the type of medication that makes him "high" so since there's no visual physical effect, besides lack of seizures; we both missed the physical/mental, lack of sex drive due to his medicine.
After lots of researching, convincing him that his medicine was the issue (I miss my husband. I didn't marry him like this. Never would've even dated him if he treated me the way he has over the past several years, let alone..), he switched medications. The only problem is, switching, then decreasing the dose (phenytek), hasn't helped. At first, he said he noticed the difference and felt as if he had more energy. We were out to dinner (which is rare, we never go out together because he doesn't want to go anywhere and do anything, yet he works out three nights a week) he told me he noticed he felt more energetic. I got all excited and thought, yes, straight to the bedroom-check please! Nope. Three months later. Since, it is August, and we haven't had sex since December. That was twice.
I can't live with yearly sex (I'm going through my peak, and sexual frustration on top of everything else is no fun). Yet, my friends who understand suggest that I go on anti-depressants to deal with my feelings about our relationship issues! Uhh...no. I don't need medicine, I need him to make love to me like we use to (at least once a month), I need intimacy (I miss him. We don't even hold hands, can't touch him, he folds his arms in or tells me to sit somewhere else in our living room). There goes the anger button again. I want him, I even fantasize about him, which he thinks isn't true. I do. I miss him so much. It took me one night that scared me to pieces, being with someone I know, for the first time to realize I didn't want sex with others, or release my frustration with others-I wanted my husband.
I'm so glad I found others with the same issues. I try to talk to friends about it, but I get the old, "just get naked in front of the tv, that will fix it". People who don't deal with someone who is on medication like this don't understand. I'm at a crossroads. Yes, I've "cheated" when I felt the internal scream to be wanted and feel human, but I don't want us apart, either. We don't know how to survive without each other. It's hard to convince another man that doesn't understand that I am not being some ungrateful, cheating wife (if I'm in a bar, I get the typical, "what's a beautiful girl like you doing out w/o your husband?" Dare I spill it. When I have, I get a 'Yeah right' reaction. Plus sometimes, 'shoot, if you were waiting for me at home'. They aren't on medicine and don't understand. It's not that simple as my looks. We really do have this issue. It sucks, it hurts. I feel alot of guilt because I don't want to leave him "in sickness and in health" as I promised not to. But our relationship is extremely unhealthy for me (lot's o liquor for my once a year 1 night stand treat), and I'm not so selfish about his health to risk him going off of his meds so I can get it for a minute.
Guys don't get that toys are not human. I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. He won't own up completely that the medicine is the problem (There has only been two times in 13 years that he's lost an erection, and one was last year), he has zero drive. He doesn't drink alcohol, either. He told me this morning that he wants to try another medication, but he didn't say for our reasons (we've been together long enough, I didn't need a romeo and juliet show to read him). I just know, from what I've learned, no other medicine is going to fix it all. He thinks that if he goes back on dilantin, we won't have all these problems, but I just don't know. I guess I can wait to see (I wait long enough, for years on end).
Alot too is that he doesn't know anyone who has the same issue. His mother is also epileptic, on medication, and shared with him that she switched medicines once because she noticed she was becoming anti-social, not in the mood to do the things she use to enjoy (going to church, etc.). She tried to help a little, but she's not a dude that doesn't have sex. The worst was in the beginning, trying to unload it all on me. Blaming me for why he didn't want to. We're educated but I don't know what feels worst, fighting about it when we didn't know, or fighting about it now that we do.
Re: Sexual Side Effects
Submitted by priv21 on Wed, 2008-11-05 - 15:01
I suffer from TLE and have done all my life. I am 29 and have suffered from sexual problems that I feel my medication cause. I take Tegratol Retard and have been trying various secondary drugs. I have a suppressed sexual appetite in general but most importantly I get erection problems and have done for most of my adult life. I have become pretty experienced with PDE5 inhibitors like Viagra and Cialis. They really are not that big a deal and work for many people really well. The biggest problem is planning. That is the main challenge facing me. I split with my long term girlfriend who was very supportive of my problem and I have been very shy about meeting anyone since. For most men in my position I advise them not to feel any shame in experimenting with pills to help them. They take away the performance anxiety you get when you think you might fail. Knowing you might not be able to hold an erection if she gets too close is the worst feeling in the world. It will make any depression worse and that my male friend just makes the problem downstairs worse! You are epileptic and your drugs may be causing you ED symptoms. Diabetics often have the same issues as us its just more widely acknowledged by their doctors. If you meet a woman you wish to be with she is going to have to accept you are epileptic at some point right? I think your epilepsy and the AED drugs are a good enough reason to need a blue pill - she will understand. You are a patient with needs don't be ashamed to explore things that can make you and your partner happy because of some male ego issue associated with taking male sex pills.