24 with epilepsy, its really hard

19

Hey,

I've never done this before... but hopefully someone replies and feels the same way I do. I'm 24 and was diagnosed when I was 14. I used to kind of take my epilepsy like a joke (as if i didn't have it) I was in complete denial over it so I would not care too much about taking my medication everyday. As I was young I always wanted to go out and live my life like a normal teen. Drinking/smoking etc. The first time I had a seizure since I was diagnosed was when I was 19 after a really big night out. Even then I was in denial and blammed it on the night before's antics. I was completely imbarrassed as I had the seizure infront of my then boyfreind. I remember going home and just bawling my eyes out uncontrollably. I didn't have another seizure for a couple of years. This time I was flatting, me and a couple of my girlfriends decided to go out to breakfast after a night out and I was driving. A had a seizure whilst I was driving, luckily my freind in the front seat knew what was going on and pulled up the handbreak, and everything was good after that once again for a couple of years. But recently I have started having them once every 3-4 months. Ive learnt my lesson from previous seizures and really sorted out my health. But since then Ive been having them more and more. I've had my medication reviewed many times and I'm in the range. I always have them in the morning, especially after I havent slept well. But i barely had them when I was out partying all night. This is hard for me as I have worked really hard to turn myself around and start taking life seriously and it seems to be back firing in my face. It's making me really upset and I cry everytime after I have a seizure and I feel so sad for a week or so afterwards. I try and go to bed early and i do take care of myself, but it keeps happening. I'm so paranoid about having seizures that I don't leave my house if im not feeling right. But I'm not the type of person who likes to be isolated and withdrawn so its really hard.

Please tell me someone else feels the same way/ and or what they did to pull themselves out of feeling like this.