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What's wrong with me, please help
Wed, 01/10/2007 - 18:12I'm a guy, and I'm 23 years old. I'm one of those guys that isn't scared of much, and I do alot to prove it all the time. Mostly stupid things like skydiving and driving too fast. Well, that was until my stepbrother started having seizures. At first I just heard about them, but in the last month I've witnessed two of them and have assisted him during his tonic-clonic seizures. First of all, it kills me to watch him going through that and I feel really bad for him. Powerless to help. I've tried doing as much research as possible and I'm not really getting anywhere.
I know my stepbrother has done drugs, and may still do them. I say this because I'm just trying to be honest. I'm afraid that that's what may have caused him to start having the seizures. And it scares me. Why, you ask?
I lived in Myrtle Beach, SC for three months, and worked in a stripclub as a barback. I had alot of fun while I was there, which was just this year, but I also got irresponsible. I did cocaine and ecstasy, and drank alot. I never thought before that I did enough to hurt myself, but that was before I watched my stepbrother go through his seizures.
Now I'm truely scared. I dont touch drugs, or have anything to do with them. After my DUI last week I dont drink. I can't sleep since I stopped drinking, and when I lay awake at night I wonder when I'm gonna start seizing, and if I can stop it. I get this feeling over my whole body that I cant really explain. It's like a rush of adrenaline, but different. Like my body is preparing for something. I lie awake afraid to sleep because dont want to drift into the seizures like my stepbrother does. I had a dream one night that I was having a seizure, and I couldn't breath, and I couldn't move, and I couldn't scream. It scares me to death. Now, today I got the same feeling as I was laying on the couch watching tv. It's like a rush of terror and anxiety that I can only stop by getting up, thinking of something else, breathing, and drinking a glass of water. It feels like it's going to overwhelm me.
The only time I feel like this is when I'm relaxed and sleepy and thinking about it. Like right before I go to sleep. I know this is kind of selfish to ask for help when it's really my stepbrother that needs help...but do you think this might be the beginning of seizures, or do you think it's a psychiatric problem?
Any help would be greatly appreciated, I am losing alot of sleep....and it's affecting me during the day.
Re: What's wrong with me, please help
Submitted by GodivaGirl on Wed, 2007-01-17 - 15:19
Hi Jason: Well, it looks like you have been given a lot of great advice here. My comments here may touch a bit on that, but here's my 2 cents for you to consider. It seems like you and your stepbrother had fun living life a little too far on the edge and it hit your stepbrother a bit hard as he experienced seizures and you had to be the witness & now that's just hitting home with you. I'm about a decade older than you, but I think everyone goes through something similar, in a way. For me, I experimented with pot a little and was really into drinking in university (age 19-22). However, in my 3rd year university after my roommate and a group of our friends all ended up staying up for 72 hours straight because another girl in 2nd year who was a friend of ours drank WAY too much & ended up with alcohol poisioning, well...it made me think twice about how much I drank every night I went out, and really at that point I sorta knocked it off. You've probably had friends & family members telling you you're living life a little too dangerously and you're ignoring them. I know I was like that from 19-22. It doesn't hit home until someone you know goes through something that could happen to you. After all, it's hard to know - are your brother's seizures due to epilepsy or due to drug use, alcohol use? That is where your mind is probably psychologically playing tricks on you causing a paranoid state. It could be withdrawl like some people in here suggest. You would be good to work with a doctor to go through the detox / rehab process. In addition, it would be beneficial to get educated about epileptic seizures -vs- non-epileptic seizures, as someone suggested. Another thing that no one has really mentioned here, while one can never really predict when seizures will happen, why not look into the first aid & what to do if someone has a seizure. That way you can be prepared if your stepbrother has one, and you could inform people of what to do if you ever were to have one. Perhaps that level of security in your mind may let you rest a bit better. For example - I carry a cell phone with me with key contacts in it (emergency contact numbers) and I tell everyone not to panic, just to make sure I don't ever really fall, then to watch me and as soon as I seem semi-conscious start asking me really easy questions...fav. color, what day is it, where am i, what was i doing. The more you know, the better off you'll be. Build up a great support network as you clean up your act - find a great doctor and a great counsellor to help you out. I quit drinking and partying around age 23 and am now 32. The bar scene doesn't have to make up your entire life. Good Luck Erin