plz take the time to read my story. i really need some support....

when i was younger, i was in a car accident, had a very bad head injury and went into a comma. i had all memory loss, had to have swollen brain tissue removed, and was put on phenobarbitrol for a yr to control seizures. i think i was a little under 2 yrs of age at the time. i had to relearn everything. throughout my childhood, i always experienced these indescribable feelings of weirdness (like i was in another land-feeling kinda sick also). i never told my parents, cuz i did'nt know what was going on with me, much less how to even describe it! i thought it was normal. throughout the yrs, i had fainting spells also. i remember this time i had to stand in a corner, and was seeing this candy cane-like object in the corner i was in, changing all kind of colors. after i was told to get out of the corner, my step-dad was scolding my brother and i,and all i really remember was, 'um, what are you saying???' next thing i know, is that i wake up and am crying my head off, cuz i don't know what in the hell happened to me. my mom was patting me down with wet rags, and i was scared and felt embarrassed and very stupid-very dissoriented! i continued to have brief fainting spells during the yrs, along with those very weird, uncomfortable feelings. nothing was ever really brought up of concern about it until about 4 yrs ago, when i was 8 months pregnant with my son, and had a grand mal seizure. my husband was there to aid in my assistance. i remember waking from this horrid thing, that i had no recallation of, other than a strong jerk of my head prior to it happening, and did'nt remember where i was, who my husband was, who my child running through the house, frantically was. so, i go to the hospital, still very dissoriented, and very incoherent. they prescribe me dilatin and tell me i'm epileptic. i'm still confused. what??? i'm asking myself. what's wrong with me??? i stay on dilantin till a little over i had my baby. the side affects of being sooo tired were too much for me having to take care of a newborn. so,of course, i get off the med abruptly. a yr or so after, chronic partial seizures continueing (just like it was that previous yr med free,and my whole childhood), i decide to just go ahead and go back to a neuro. besides, i was'nt really concerned about the disorder, and did'nt want to see that i even may have had one at that time. so, i'm diagnosted wtih epilepsy. i take zonegran. this made me lose an excessive amount of weight to the point of being worse than anorexic over a period of time. they did lower my dose. but, overall, i was feeling a burden to my husband and just decided to get off of it all together. gosh! the price of the doc and meds were outrageous!!! so, i think: i took a burden off of him. i have'nt been on any meds since about a little over a yr ago. my chronic partial seizures of course, have returned way since then, and still continue, maybe even up to 4 times a wk. that for me, anyway, is an extreme increase in seizures. i guess, i was wondering if anyone thought of whether it'd be importent for me to get back on meds for this. i really don't like to feel like i put my husband out. the docs already say i can't drive as it is. my husband is very supportive of me taking care of myself. but, i just feel so stupid a lot of the times. i ask myself what good am i to anyone feeling so dissoriented all the time. i don't even take meds, and i'm very absent-minded, forgetful, and just spaced out so much. if anyone has gone through a similar situation, dealing with chronic partial seizures, and felt severe incompetence like me, plz give me some feedback. i sometimes just wanna diagnose myself as 'stupid',and forget about all of this-going back to the doc and all. it's so expensive. -just a new girl looking for some support. p.s. bottome line: do chronic partial szrs ever provoke enough risk to stay on a med regimen, or can i just deal with them?