Not sleeping

So I just came here to write...complain...about what's going on with me right now. I don't want to irritate my friends or family by putting on a 'woe-is-me' act and I think holding back my feelings helps the people close to me deal with my epilepsy. I'm not sleeping. I'm getting at best 4 hours of sleep a night. I average around 1.5 - 2. There are a number of reasons for this: 1. My medication keeps me wired, so I don't feel sleepy until I'm totally exhausted. Usually 24 hours after I last slept. 2. For some reason, when I go to bed I lie there for 2 hours or so before I fall asleep. 3. When I do fall asleep, I have a seizure almost right away. In a night where I get 4 hours of sleep I'll have about 3 seizures. (I have nocturnal epilepsy) 4. I think, and this is the big thing, that I am afraid to sleep. I certainly was last night. My seizures are painful...they're the most pain I've ever felt in my life, like being lit on fire from the inside. So ya, I'm afraid of them. My boyfriend says I should just try to go to bed earlier, but when I do that I lie there even longer...I could be doing something productive. This is starting to really affect me. Le sigh. Anyway, sorry for complaining. I'm just...tired and lonely :) Thanks, Kelly