I'm so tired of this

Greetings! This is my first post on this site. There is a ton of good information out there and many people who relate to about every feeling that I have. However I still thought it good that I vent my situation and see if anyone could offer insight or advice that might help me at the moment. April 9th 2006 I feel out in the floor in front of my wife with a grand mal seizure. I had never had a seizure before and neither of us knew what was happening. My right arm started jerking and then it felt as thought I had been put in a vice. For a few seconds I could still hear my wife. She paniced and I could hear her screaming and begging me not to die. It may sounds silly to people who have had many seizures but we nad no idea what was happening. I came to with paramedics in my house telling me I had just suffered a seizure. I spent the next 2 weeks in and out of the hospital. Every time they would release me I had another seizure. My lovely wife was very supportive and kept me calm for the 2nd and 3rd seizures. They finally decided on 350 mg dose of dilantin taken once daily. I haven't had another seizure since. This morning the doctor called to inform that an enzyme in my liver is still elevated and slightly more so than the test they did last month. Also my dilantin level is low. I have a doctors appointment for July 17th. I'm scared about what is happening with my liver. I am also worried about my med levels. For the two weeks that I spent in the hospital there was never a dianosis made. When I see my family doctor he only talks about what my meds are doing to me. I would like to know what is going on with me. I don't know how much fear is normal for an adult who recently started having seizures but I live each day terrified of my next seizure. Any slight muscle spasm or knee twitch cause panic that I feel thru my whole body. It takes me a while to get my heatrate back down. The worst part is I cannot get the sound of my wife's voice being scared to death out of my head. I keep hearing her begging me to wake up and not to leave her. I think about it all day long and feel so guilty for scaring her. It really really depresses me. On an up note though.... Thru a blessing from God (more powerful than contraceptives) my wife and I conceived our first child in between my first two visits to the hospital. She said as she stood by me in the ER she asked God why she didn't have a baby yet...fearing that the worst might happen. Now I am expecting a son or daughter Jan 4th. I would like to know some closure to all this before I start my second life as a parent. If ya read all this thanks for listening. Heath