I serve no purpose

Adult onset epilepsy. Early 20's. College degree, promising career, continuous promotions despite refractory complex partial seizures and detrimental medication side effects. I was, by all standards, successful. I worked very hard for the life I had, enjoyed and appreciated so very much. Brain tumor discovered at age 28, and it was determined that it had to come out. Cleveland Clinic removed the brain tumor and performed a right temporal lobectomy on July 29, 2010. They did advise me to not return to my tech job for at least six months. That wasn't an option; the third party insurer that decided the validity of all work disability claims gave me just over two months. I returned, and the seizures began almost immediately. Another stay in the EMU determined the seizures to be entirely stress induced. Living alone, having relocated for work with no family nearby, I had multiple doctors helping me relearn stress coping techniques. Supervisors expressed concern, stating that I was a different person than the one I was prior to surgery; not the quick witted, happy go lucky, positive and outgoing leader I once was. They were concerned that weekly seizure trips to the ER from work weren't healthy, and that I should, perhaps, consider quality of life over being successful at work. That's when every one of my doctors started suggesting ssdi. To me, that was admitting defeat. Life doesn't stop because of brain surgery; that just means that I have to fight harder. I thought that, the harder I fought, the more quickly life would return to the way it was. The opposite happened. That November, I landed in the psych ward after a failed suicide attempt. Once again, advised ssdi. I emerged more determined than ever. The following July, it seemed my efforts paid off when I received a promotion. Things took a sharp turn in September, the day of my 7th year anniversary with the corporate telecommunication giant. I was let go. I wasn't on any warnings. I was told that, HR had been working with the Cleveland Clinic for workplace accommodation, and that given my weekly work seizures, it wasn't enough, and there wasn't anything else they could do for me. I spent the next year using my unemployment income to obtain an Associate of Science in InfoSec. I returned to work full time Oct 2013. All was well until November 2015. Work life took a nosedive on account of new neurological symptoms. I was diagnosed with medication resistant major depressive disorder, derealization disorder, and, of course, still the temporal lobe epilepsy. During those two years, I'd had a few grand mal seizures and was subsequently stripped of my driving privileges. Was let go January 2016. I now live with my mom and dad for the indeterminate future. Finally, I hired a disability attorney, and I filed in April. My case gets reviewed January 2017. Unemployment ended two months ago. 34, living at home, not allowed to work at all while ssdi is pending. I've received job offers via LinkedIn, and I have to ignore them. I do things: go through the motions, clean, organize, smile, live in the faith that it will get better. This is the same faith and smile that has gotten me through the last six years. Does there come a point where all of this faith and hard work pays off? I did work very hard to get Ohio Medicaid (expanded in my state,) and after six months of fighting, it did pay off. That in and of itself was a HUGE victory for me. As in, tears. Will there ever come a point where I can LIVE again? Work, have a life of my own, own a home, go out and enjoy myself like I used to, stay in and enjoy myself, not want to die every second of every day - do you think that, with a positive attitude, continued faith, not dropping my smile and now, listening to neuro, PCP, psychologist, psychiatrist and counselor, I will have a life again? A life, not just an existence, maybe?