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Higher enlightenment?
Mon, 08/21/2006 - 01:49I've had epilepsy since I was a child. I'm now 26, In a way I'm sort of grateful for this blessing that is a curse, or a curse that is a blessing. I do feel when a seizure is about to hit, but in that moment of electric shock, in all honesty feels good, I feel removed from myself, almost like an out of body experience. In that moment, where I can feel the body stiffen, and my livelyhood frozen, in that moment, i feel like i tap into something, it stimulates the creative process. I'm a writer, and a lot of my stories i believe come from electrical discharges in the brain. it almost feels like, it ignites a little something extra as insane as this sounds....i suppose i learned to live with it.I notice i don't handle stress as well as I used to. My blood sugar is always dropping, my memory is horrible, but it's almost comical now, within my friend group. I tend to get things a second faster, than most people, its almost paranormal. I do see auras, and I often tell myself its the epilepsy, but it makes one ponder. I get lots of deja vu, pre cognitive intuition, and I'm just wondering if anyone else in this group noticed any changes since they've been diagnosed?? I know it's risky telling of such things in a epilepsy support forum, but I'm just curious if there are any more of us out there.....???
-G
Comments
Re: Re: Higher enlightenment?
Submitted by graciefox on Tue, 2006-08-22 - 15:26
Rita...
At least you're aware of the things around you, and feel inspired to write. My kudos....
I suggest you write to your hearts content, collect the best samples of your writing, and turn them into a novel. Or write a fictional short story. You never know, it may even get published. Quite the gift we were given, don't you agree?
Re: Higher enlightenment?
Submitted by Mark Janjigian on Wed, 2006-09-20 - 13:13
Apparently, a lot of us go through the same thing. It's driven me to become an artist and musician. Amazingly, everything seems clear for an instant - a moment of true revealation, knowing how it all works, what it all means.
Here's Tennyson's description:
"All at once, out of the intensity of the consciousness of individuality, the individuality itself seemed to dissolve and fade away into boundless being; and this not a confused state, but the clearest of the clearest, the surest of the surest, the weirdest of the weirdest, utterly beyond words."
I suppose our imagination has to then transport us 'through the looking glass.' Although I've tried to ride the aura further, I've never been able to avert the impending seizure. Before you can grasp it, it's gone. It leaves us searching.
The doctors write it off as an electrical short circuit in the brain. To us, it's real. Perhaps the short circuit is the footprint it leaves rather than the thing itself.
Anyway, if we keep channelling that search into our work, we can leave a foundation for others to build upon in their own searches. Enlightenment may indeed be the journey rather than the destination.
Re: Higher enlightenment?
Submitted by ritab2002 on Mon, 2006-08-21 - 13:33
Hi I have had E for the past 3 1/2yrs and my seizures are generally Complex Partials in the left temporal lobe region with one Grand Mal, so far these have lessened but not been controlled by meds. My language is the most affected and even though generally I would vehemently say that I would not wish this on my worst enemy, there are also times when I feel that what I am experiencing is fascinating, to me. Sometimes, it can spark me to write and/or have a chuckle about what I have thought during/after the episode. I find it really weird though and really have never expressed this aspect to anyone. Writing (although it may not be apparent it my posts) has always been a part of my life in work (technical) and prose, poetry at home. Since I have developed this, I have found writing at times is far easier than before with free flowing ideas pouring out at times. I am not sure why this happens whether it is the increased electrical activity in that area, the meds, or the fact that I have more time on my hands to reflect and mull over philosophies etc. Rita~