Question about a new epilepsy diagnoses

Hi, I am 37 year old female, with almost full lifetime of anxiety disorder but it's mostly been more my adult life.

My anxiety is mostly all physical symptoms that make me paranoid and scared constantly but i also have other things.

Over the last few years i've been feeling more and more ill physically convinced there's something wrong with me like a terminal disease, just constant ailments of all kinds but doctor never finds anything too significant.

i take klonopin for my anxiety and i feel almost normal when i take it but since it's so addicting, i try not to take it daily so i suffer on the days i don't take it. roughly taking it (a very low dose .5 mg broken in half or a quarter) every 3 days or more or much less depending on the severeity. i seem to always feel better during ovulation sometimes feeling almost normal

In the last few years i started getting episodes of extreme exaustion..i assumed it's from the constant daily stress and anxiety from my illness. doctor really didn't find much.

this past year, i started getting worse and worse of a memory even though i always had a bad memory and it caused a learning disability. But it got so bad that i have to put a reminder for literally everything and times i was forgetting minute to minute and can't form a thought sometimes as if blank although i am fully aware and alert.

I had other weird aniety causing symptoms of buzzing in legs, and full body twitching on and off.

around december i had something strange happen. I was woken up my my face jerking up and i was locked for 1-2 secconds into a SMILE real tight. I didn't really feel weird but it semed so weird to me......then about a week later it happened again...then over the next few weeks, other weird things VERY similar start happening, all early morning when i was sleeping.

Finally i thought i should maybe see a neurologist. Althought doctor thought it could be calcium deficiency or something but wasn't.

ANyway i got a eeg, and of course i was SUPER nervous during it blinking hard even though my eyes were closed. and very jumpy at any sudden noise because that's how i am EXTREMELY jumpy to sounds with huge bursts of adreanalin.

Anyway he called me days later saying i had an abnormal eeg, but didn't have a seizure, and that he's starting me on seizure meds right away, and should start feeling better. This is the biggest and scariest shock of my entire life, i am SCARED to death and traumatized by hearing this so of course it's causing me MORBID EXTREME anxiety and now...since then, my early morning episodes started happening EVERY MORNING WHILE asleep and seem to be getting worse. And my normal everyday twitching went CRAZY 100fold to FULL BODY TWITCHING everywhere even in my face....i'm scared to death and i DON'T want this to be epilepsy, my brother was injured at birth and has mental retardation and autism and SEVERE grand mal seizures that basically caused me PSTD growing up jus watching what hes gone through and those seizures are the scariest thing i ever could see and imagine, he looks like he's dying when he is having them. He turns blue and it's just HORRIFYING.

I am SO anti medication and SO scared of meds and am VERY sensitive to all medications and even stuff like coffee, i'm hyper sensitive to MANY things i can't even take childrens benedryl because it knocks me out so im terrified of meds and have had SEVERE allergic reactions in the past from some putting me in the hospital, so i have a phobia of meds and DID not want to start seizure meds right away after being diagnosed with ONE eeg.

But since i was so scared and stressed of the diagnosis i rapidly got worse and now when i am falling asleep i have these huge body jerks that wake me up and leave me feeling so weird during the wake and falling asleep transition...

i've been having these things where whenever i wake up for example if my mom makes noise and im jolted awake...i feel like i'm frozen or my brains buzzing and im stuck in place while im waking up...it's a terrible feeling, i started getting nervous to fall asleep at night because of this stuff happening and now EVERYnight im having these scary thins i think are seizures. Like the other morning i was BANGED awake with a FULL body jerk where my whole body seemed to BANG awake and as it happened i heard a loud weird sound that seemed to come from all around real loud in my head that sounded like a guy with a megaphone near my head saying a weird noise or word. then when i am awake...my legs are buzzing and very weak as if half paralyzed.....it's very very scary to me..Now, i'm scared to sleep, the ONLY thing in my entire life i loved because i could sleep away my daily stress....

I was so scared at these nighttime things happening i called doc and had him send the meds to pharmacy asap even though im REALLY against taking meds and havnteven seen him yet to discuss the test result or epilepsy....i just didnt want these things to get worse or to keep happening every night ruining me completely or god forbid get even worse and end up grand mals like my handicapped brother.

I took the first dose of lamictal, which of course im scared to take because ofthis damn rash doctor keeps warning me of that basically finishes you, lol...i seemed fine all day with no side effects and was happy thinking maybe there wern't anyway....a sigh of relief. well about 7 hours later ( i had taken it in the morning) i started getting tired at aod time when i never do, and figured it was my medicine and though ok well thats probably normal no big deal i can deal with that....well about 20 min later....the feeling got so strong i turned into a COMPLETE and utter zombie, i heard everything going on but was basically a complete zombie just sitting there, i wasn't even nervous or scared as i normally could be from a side effect, because i couldn't even be ANYTHING but a zombie, i could think but i couldn't really talk or anything just stare out window at the rain drops and hear the people talking.....i figured IM FINISHED Her if this is how im going to be all day on these meds......but i was suprised after a half hour that feeling went away, and i slowly came back to normal.

I was wondering if anyone out there thinks this is REALLY epilepsy since i never lost conciousness or had any daytime seizures and the one in night even though they'r scary don't seem to be typical big seizure or jerking or anything i've read about.

I'm REALLY hoping it's a misdiagnoses but has anyone ever had anything similar ?

WHy would i suddenly have these night time things come on out of nowhere??????????

and then after being nervous come on EVERY NIGHT.

is it possible i don't have epilepsy but my severe panic and anxiety disorder is CAUSING this abnormal brain waves?

from what doctor said on phone, he saw eeg spikes, but i didn't have any seizure. What else can cause spikes? can anxiety or ANYTHING else cause spikes? what about heart murmurs or something?

Can somebody give me any ideas?

I feel like this is the worst that ever happened to me and i'm SO scared i'll start having grand mals or ANYTHING worse than what i'm having now and i don't know how anyone else can deal with seizures without being scared?