I'm Scared

I am 39 years old man and have been dealing with my epilepsy for 18 years.  It was well controlled for 15.5 years and in the last year and a half I have begun to experience a recurrence in symptoms and siezures.  For a while I would just have partial complex siezures and come out of them with no memory of the event.  In the past year things have changed likely due to the stress of being a father of a newborn and a 2.5 year old boy and now the siezures start out as partial complex auras and lead to full blown full body grand mal siezures.  They vary in length and I've been told I turn blueish/purple from oxygen deprivation.  I come out of it usually with a headache and I regain functional control of my senses and body within 20 minutes.  I am switching doctors for reasons of travel and I see the new one in a week and a half.  I am truly scared for my life and what might happen to my wife and two boys if the worst should happen.  I have been less than honest with my epileptologist about the frequency of my siezures (roughly once every 3 to six weeks) for what I realize now to be stupid reasons and when I look at my boys I realize now that I have to come clean to my current doctor in order to start the process of testing to see about my candidacy for surgery.  Basically I'm just scared and need to interact with people who know what this is all about.