I just have to open myself to somebody (anonymous) who can understand, and then I found this forum.
I was half asleep early this morning when I started to feel sick (nauseatic) and very dizzy. I felt like I was going to faint and tried to combat it. Next thing I knew was that my wife held her hand on my shoulder and told me that I had moved a lot and "made noises", but I got the impression that I had just passed out for a couple of seconds and that it wasn't anything very serious. But I felt soooo sick and dizzy and so weak that I couldn't move. After half an hour in a coma I decided to go to the bathroom to have a shower, but realized that I was too dizzy and felt like I had to vomit, so I found a bowl and laid down on a carpet in the living room and tried to vomit. Meanwhile my wife started making up the bed - and could inform me that I had peed the bed (!). It was only then that I realized that my underwear was wet as well. I must have been totally comatose not to notice.
It turns out that I have really soaked the mattress. I have never lost control of my bladder during the few seizures I have had. I guess it must have been a full-blown grand mal / tonic-clonic seizure (isn't that what it is called?) after all.
Some time back, in a relatively short period, I had two serious grand mals (in a row) and several other incidents that were probably seizures (but they were not observed by anybody, so it's hard to tell). The tests that were carried out then (sleep deprived EEG, CT) gave no indications of epileptic activity or other abnormalities. Since those episodes coinceded with very stressful periods and lack of sleep the neurologist's guess was psychogenic non-epolieptic seizures. It's perhaps better than being diagnosed with epilepsy, but as far as I understand it can't really be treated medically. Guess I have to take better care of myself, make sure I get enough sleep and maybe be careful with alcohol (stayed up late and had a few drinks yesterday to celebarate my birthday, in fact - regret that now).
This is my home office day, so I didn't have to call in sick, but I sit here with a very bad headache and feel rather retarded, very drowsy, very confused and ... how shall I describe it ... "unreal".
I am also scared to death that I will have more seizures now that it has started again. Please tell me that seizures don't have to come in a series ...