Another stunned new diagnosis....

Over the past 18 months have had intermittent episodes that the neurologist I was working with (I am a nurse practitioner in sleep medicine) thought might be temporal lobe seizures. I went to another neuro--on a professional basis--and had MRI, EEG with the strobes and he thought it was migraine aura, not seizures. The episodes came and went and actually went away for a couple of months until coming around again last week. On Wednesday I had the odd glitch-in-the-matrix episode that can sometimes let me know something's coming. Then on Friday I was on the treadmill at lunchtime and one of the typical "aura" episodes happened. Nothing unusual. Went back to work and was typing up a note on my last patient - was having trouble concentrating, which was nothing new, because the doctor behind me was dictating - loudly - facing my direction. I put on some music on headphones, much more loudly than I like but I just can't concentrate with people talking. It's a bad open set-up. He asked me to turn it town, I asked him to dictate more quietly, he was snotty about it, I was happy to turn the music down because the last thing I want to do is burn out my ears. I turned it down and the next thing I knew I was in the emergency department being told I'd had a seizure and being wheeled off for a CT scan. A little while later one of the other docs came by to see how I was and told me that I'd been standing at my desk and started shaking (not tonic/clonic), fell down and continued to shake for a while and the ambulance came. My memory is pretty shady about the whole thing. I have a bad memory anyway with a history of head injuries, chemotherapy, menopause.... It's frighteningly worse since the seizure. I am, overall, terrified by this whole turn of events. They started me on Keppra at the ED (500 bid). I think part of the spaciness and fatigue I'm feeling is related to that. Hopefully I can get an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow or Wednesday. It helps to work in the department! But everything is closed today. Anyway, I'm completely beside myself. I thought that a cancer diagnosis was bad but there is something even more terrifying about this. What's worse is that I was - not surprisingly - told to stop my bupropion AND that leveteracitam can cause depression. So I'm depressed. I'm scared. My already poor memory is about 20 times worse. I can't go anywhere (drive) and I live in the middle of nowhere and my husband's half-way around the world (but will be coming home in a couple of weeks and I will cancel my part of the trip, which was to meet him in Nepal for a month where we would be traveling around and seeing friends.) I'm sure that all of this will get better, that any new health issue is terrifying, that people live very healthy lives with seizure disorders.... But - damn! It doesn't feel fair at all.