Rustled and aggitated like clothes in a washer

A little giggle at my own issues I'm sure but I have to use humor to handle my frustrations; only way I can tolerate it. Anyway. Here it is near turkey day and we're supposed to be in fairly good spirits but I'm not; I'm aggitated, frustrated and downright well.. pi@#%d! I can't say what I'm thinking because this is a family board so I'll behave *straightens halo* For the past few weeks the seizes have been acting up and that's got me annoyed to begin with. Medication was increased beyond to where I wanted it to be; I was taking next to nothing then the neuro had to increase it - that got my nerves in a ramble; it slowed things down but they still pop up every once in awhile. Hardly at all now - one blessing that I'm thankful for. I knew already that the brain surgery wasn't going to be perfect but at the same point, when I didn't have seizures for so long and was actually feeling normal with a LIFE. When these damn things popped up again everything went down hill and it's like I'm stuck in a rut and not sure if I'm going to get out of it. I was on a hiatus from a UNIX programming job (my career) and went back to college to get my Bachelor of Science degree in Management Information Systems - graduated this past August. I'm pleased that I finally got it; great thing right? Well it would be if I can make use of it. With the seizes acting up I can't even trust myself to be near another and not have something act up. So now I'm flipped out trying to figure how long I have to deal with these issues before I can get back to my career and be there for the loan payments. Here's the real kicker that's got me wound up tighter than a top. Went to the neuro about three weeks ago and he says to me that he's concerned. Understand that. Then he says, he's doing a temporary increase in meds. First thought that came to mind is, "huh". Second thought that came to mind as he goees on explaining it is "no you're not". I'm stubborn as a mule - blame it on Italian ancestory or the Aries if you will but I wasn't too tickled with the idea. So I ask him, and you're planning on doing this why? He says to me, I want to do two things; a temporary test to see how your brain reacts to the increase of the one med and the second thing I want to do is a four hour EEG. That was it, I was ready to go through the ceiling. So I asked him again and this is for? He says, well you haven't had one in well over ten years so I think it's time to get one. I'm thinking uh HUH and we're going to pay for this how? Have a great insurance plan but that isn't the principle of the point. We go through the rest of the appt I'm like ya, ya, ok, whatever. Don't get me wrong, the neuro knows what he's doing and I know that he doesn't do things that he feels are a waste of time; he's the best in the area in the field. What's got me totally bouncing off the walls, pardon the pun, is when I'd taken the small increase of the med once before I didn't like it - at all. Started feeling really odd, hard to explain. I know that this is a temporary increase but at the same point, this is not something in which I want to encounter. I can tolerate the EEG even though it isn't going to be pretty. I've got chronic back pain with a lower back injury to boot - I'm not a good patient in regards to anything that needs me to lay on my back for long periods (beyond 20 minutes to a 1/2 hr). Dunno how they're going to manage that one. *rolls eyes* Anyway. Thanks for reading. I've been holding out for the past week or so and everything just exploded, needed to vent. Sue