My First (And Only) Tonic-Clonic - Experiencing The Moments Before

Hi, I am Charlie from England - I am a 29-year-old guy. I was trying to find out what other people experience before and after a grad mal seizure. I decided to share my experience as it has changed my life entirely. I hoped that people who have also experienced seizures might be able to comment on it - relate to it and share with me. I need to go into the circumstances that led to what I now understand to be a Tonic Clonic seizure - so please bear with me. I had never had any episodes like this before… It happened whilst I was backpacking in Laos (SE Asia) last year. I had spend a few days in a laid back town before taking bus to the capital - Vantienne. What happened next I will never be entirely sure of - because I was travelling alone at this point. After much examination and investigation - it seems that, somehow, I was drugged whilst on this bus journey. This (I subsequently learned from the doctor who was later to save my life) is quite common in Laos and lone travellers have reported waking up more than 24 hrs later - in hospital (or being looked after by fellow travellers) - usually with all their belongings stolen. My last memory is getting on that bus to the capital – which was a journey of 4-5 hrs - the next memory is being sick (vomiting) outside a hotel in the capital. I was embarrassed because people were walking past and looking at me - I can remember that feeling. I have no idea how I got there - but is was a fairly nice hotel and I have a very vague memory of someone helping me there. The hotel was not listed in my guidebook. All I knew at the time was that I needed to get somewhere safe where I could recover - I was at least aware that something was up and I needed to get somewhere safe, fast. But I wasn’t aware of what had happened to me, how it had happened etc. After being sick my memory returns a little. I checked in - put by bags in the room and went downstairs where I ordered lots of ice, water and a bottle of diet coke. I remember the staff looking at me in an odd fashion. I chilled out in my room for quite a few hours. I watched the TV set which had 3 movie channels - and it seemed like there was always a movie on that I wanted to watch - so I was pretty happy and relaxed there. I was very thirsty and drank lots of water. But I threw up a lot so don’t think I was absorbing the fluids. Memories of this period are hazy. Even though I remember watching the movies on the TV - I can't to this day remember which ones they were. I spent the night in the room and slept. When I woke up - I was on the floor of the hotel room and my head was bleeding (it seems I had bumped it on the pillar that was right next door to my bed). I was very confused. I didn’t recognise where I was. I say my backpack - then I remembered that I was backpacking…. (Yes, that was the extent of my confusion). I walked out of the room, and still didn’t recognise where I was. After a walk around the hotel I got to reception - it was THEN I remembered where I was. In a hotel in the capital of Laos. The guy behind reception saw me, and my bleeding head and immediately got a member of staff to take me to hospital - where they put 2 stitches in my head. I remember very little of this - except the sensation of the needle of anesthetic going into my head. I was definitely confused (and concussed?). When we got back to the hotel I went back to my room - and it was during this period I noticed a big cut / bite mark on my tongue. I don’t think I ever showed this to the doctor at the hospital - I might have done - but cannot remember. I can remember looking at the cut / bite in the mirror than thinking it looked deep - I could see the flesh below the layer of taste buds on the tongue. I don't think I had eaten for more than 24 hrs at this point. It was around this time that I remembered, vividly, a very strong feeling that I think I had before I woke up on the floor that morning with a bleeding head. I thought to myself "Ahhh - I remember what shocked me out of bed - and it was terrifying.". This is what I experienced…it felt like what I imagine a waking nightmare to be like… I was dozing in my bed in the early morning. I was spatially aware of my surroundings - my eyes were closed and everything was black. Then a very bright ball of light appeared at my feet and travelled up the length of my body (about a meter in front of me). It seemed to be whispering - although I couldn't hear anything specific - it was whispering bad things - it was menacing. It went past my face and beyond my head. After it got about a metre or two beyond my head it slowed and stopped then began travelling towards the top of my head. It grew in size - brightness - and the sound got louder and louder. It was terrifying. The panic / anxiety I experienced was pure panic. It all became unbearable - like a horrifying climax of light - sound and intense feeling. I remember not being able to bear it anymore and I think I was shocked out of the position I was lying in my bed. Then I remember nothing until I awoke on the floor. Anyway, I was still pretty confused and tired after the fit, the hospital etc - so I slept that night and the following day just chilled out. It was the third night in that room when my tongue became discolored and swollen - and I started to salivate a lot. It was becoming infected. The next day I realised I was going to need a good doctor. I packed up my stuff and I think it was the guys in the hotel took me to see an Australian Doctor - who worked in the Australian Embassy Clinic - Dr Ben was his name, that's all I knew about him (until I got back to the UK and tracked him down via Google. I sat around whilst he dealt with another emergency for a few hours. He gave me an antibiotic drip in the meantime. When he was able to see me properly he told me how ill I was. I was quite shocked by how seriously ill I was. I was going to need an ambulance to drive me out of Laos - into a hospital within Thailand - where an ambulance jet would pick me up and fly me to Bangkok. I just went with it. I was glad to be taken care of. My memories are not good still - it feels like this all happened to someone else. I had blood poisoning, my tongue was developing gangrene and the swelling - a rarely seen condition called Ludwig’s Angina, was in danger blocking my airway. Dr Ben and a Laos man drove me to Thailand. I have since remembered a few details of this journey - months later actually, I remembered Dr Ben telling the ambulance driver to switch on the siren and lights. We got to the Thai hospital in Udon Thani and Dr Ben spoke to my Mother in the UK - organised the Ambulance jet to come early the next morning. He stayed with me till early AM. I was monitored in intensive care as my airway was dangerously close to being compromised. I was very nearly intubated - but they decided it would cause too much soft tissue swelling. Anyway - to cut the story short - I was flown to Bangkok. I spend 11 says in hospital there - 2 in intensive care. Luckily the blood flow returned to my tongue - it almost needed to be amputated. I had all sorts of tests. Then, my insurance sent a nurse from the UK - she came and picked me up and took me back to London. I became post traumatically stressed by the ordeal. I began to drink a lot of alcohol to numb the feelings. I had to go and talk about the feelings, cope with the stress and give up alcohol. I got back home a year ago. It's been quite a year, but I am better now.... and much happier now I have come to terms with what happened to me. I tracked down Dr Ben and we have e mailed each other a few times. I would have died from Septicemia if he hadn’t taken control and sorted me out. He thinks that I was drugged - but remained too alert to be robbed (this accounts for the memory loss) - then had a spontaneous epileptic fit afterwards because of the drugging / physiological stress. The only other explanation is I was using illegal drugs in Laos (lots of travellers take speed, hallucinogens.... apparently....but I was not doing any of that). That's my story. Does the episode with the ball of light and intense feelings of panic sound like anyone else’s feelings leading up to a big fit? Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts with me. Best wishes Charlie