I can't function anymore

I keep having these tiny seizures, kinda like absence seizures (I guess). But the thing is that after I've had them, for some reason I go into a slightly lighter version of the postical state I always did after a full-body seizure. I don't know if that's supposed to happen?

Aaanyway. I'm a waitress and this makes working very, very hard since I have up to five seizures a day, and because of the postical state I'm constantly exhausted. I have to ask customers to repeat their orders a million times, and then it takes me at least five billion hours to put together their orders right.

I got fired a couple of days ago, and I completely understand that. But these attacks keep on coming and when I talk to someone it's like they think I'm drunk or on drugs or something. I can't function at work and alright, that's one thing, but I can't even function at home, can't do the simplest task without taking ages, can't be trusted near things that could hurt me, have to ask people to repeat themselves several times before I can even begin to comprehend what they're trying to say, and I can't even think properly. I feel a thousand times more stupid than before.

I don't know anything, my doctor just shrugs and says "epilepsy" like these things are normal and I don't know, are they? Are these types of seizures normal?


Re: I can't function anymore

I'm sorry you're having this experience. I've been there and it is a bit hit to your self esteem. I am an ESL teacher (English as a Second Language) and over the past year, I had a TON of these. Instead of five a day like you, I had upwards of five every hour. Like you, I had to have my students repeat everything a thousand times, it took forever to grade papers because I was constantly exhausted and kept losing consciousness, and I said really crazy things like, "Please open your books to page book" or to my daughter at breakfast, "Eat your shoes." Native English speakers would be confused enough, but my students were doubly confused. I had bad teacher evaluations and had "discussions" with the director about my bad performance which was getting worse every semester. Besides work stuff, I would have dangerous kitchen accidents like leaving the stove burner on all night, break glasses and cut myself badly, catch the coffee pot on fire... I would walk out in the middle of the street, forget what to do at a green light while driving, lose things, forget how to do daily household tasks, I could go on and on. I don't even remember living at our old house and we lived there for almost a year!

After I went to my neuro and had my EEG, she called immediately after she got the results and said I was to stop driving ASAP and start medication immediately. She said I was tired and foggy all the time because I was in a constant post-ictal state. Since I started medication and being closely monitored, these "episodes" have completely disappeared. I am much more productive at work and I don't run the risk of accidentally killing my family at every meal. Even though I won't get my old memories back (so I can't find copies of necessary papers from that time--my husband is really frustrated), but I can get new memories now. In fact, I am starting to work on master's degree and so far so good on retaining new information. I was really worried.

This is getting long. To answer your question, no, seizures in general are not normal. However, among those of us with epilepsy, you are certainly not alone in this! You didn't mention whether you were seeing a neurologist or taking medication, but if not, please look into it. Not only will you feel less foggy, but it will also make you feel like a productive citizen, a member of Earth, and keep you and your family safe.

Re: I can't function anymore

I can't stress the part about Princess's answer enough about getting seen by a neurologist, and better still an epileptologist.  Ask to have an EEG and MRI done, if they haven't been done already. 

Re: I can't function anymore

I understand. I live alone, and the memory loss is horrible. I got fired from my job, so my neurologist dropped me when I could no longer pay self-pay prices. I felt "dead" over the past few days. Not sure what to do or what to tell you. But..... I understand.

Re: I can't function anymore

My seizures were tolerable for most of my life. Went to college, ran my own business (a medical writer! :) )

But several years ago, the problem exploded. One hand was crippled, left in constant pain when I fell on stove while cooking. Seizures that rarely occurred now happen at least every 2 months. Med level increased so that I'm always dopey. Can no longer cook, which I love. Dozens of recipe books. Can't eat anything that not's "nuked" when I'm alone.

Have trouble remembering words, forming sentences. Obviously not good for a writer.

Not considered "disabled" so struggling to work. Biz/income cut in half. Have hubby, who is great, but he's in school.

My docs now want me to consider surgery. Have insurance, but it will still require at least 20% of my own money.

VERY depressed. Never had to cope with my condition like this. Can't drive, can't cook, have much trouble knitting, can't shower like a "real" person. Afraid to be alone and he is close to 70. Constantly anxious about losing him, especially since we don't have much savings. Wiped out by 9/11.

Any advice on surgery?

Any consolations?

Very grateful.

Re: I can't function anymore

I've also been fired before, but if you apply for disability, you could be told to "keep looking for a job in the same field. That is what you have experience in".  Terrible response!

I think seeing the neurologist once a year is enough to renew prescriptions. Maybe call him and state that is all you need; can he do it without you paying for a visit? 

I know this may seem a little extreme, but I moved to another country for 5 years. Living alone made it easy. A large city (Seoul) made it easy to get around by subway. Nationalized medicine allowed me to pay $7.50 to see a doctor. Prescription medicine was a lot less expensive. At the time, I was in my 40's. I looked for a job teaching ESL.   

Re: I can't function anymore

I hear what your going though also, I go from job to job just about every 3 months if Im lucky it seems like you cant even defend yourself at work after you have one. I just had one last weekend and just last Friday I told someone Im not your fool and I end up getting in trouble for it by my boss, Im always loosing work myself, bosses like to say they understand but when it happens they end up fireing you just about every time don't you agree? whats really crazy is trying to get on disability with the state but all they do is tell you to get back to work every time when we cant even hold a job because of it. all I can say is best of luck to you.