i am a new mother with epilepsy

Hi everyone, I feel like I need to say something. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 11 yrs old and was told I would most likely outgrow it by the time I was 13 but I didn't. When I was first diagnosed I was only having petit mal seizures but two years later I experienced a grand mal seizure. So therefore my doctor put me on more medication to help me out with those. I had an EEG done and was told that my epilepsy originated from the center of my brain unlike most types of epilepsy where they originate from one certain point so there wasn't any surgery that they could do to help me besides medications. I've now gone through almost every kind of medication that is avaliable for treatment of epilepsy. All through my teenage years I felt abnormal, that I was so completely different than everyone else that I worried more about my social status (the way others thought about me) than my schoolwork and it suffered terribly. As much as I tried to fit in I still always knew that I was different than all my friends and schoolmates which made me really depressed. No one knew it though. I put on a very good show. To fit in, I started drinking, smoking, and having sex just to try to reassure myself that I was normal. To be honest, I still feel that way. I feel like my life is hopeless because I'll never be able to be completely independent. I just had a beautiful daughter six months ago and I feel so helpless. I won't ever be able to drive her to the movies or pick her up from a friends' house. It's hard keeping a job (as I'm sure alot of you know) with having seizures and not being able to come in. I get in trouble for absenteeism and get let go. It's like I'm being teased with being independent. Like I'll go a few months without a grand mal (I have multiple petit mals everyday but I can deal with those) and think that I'm getting "better" but then I have another one which brings on 2 or 3 at a time. I average about 6-7 grand mals a month. It's like everytime I have a seizure I'm reminded that I will never lead a normal life. When I go see my doctor now, I don't even hope that there's anything he can do. Everytime he changes my dosage or puts me on something else I think "whatever". I just had that VNS thing put in and to be honest I have no hope that it will work. Well, this is getting long, please someone respond so maybe I'll get somed hope back in my life Leah