having this sucks!

Hi, I am a 46 yr old male,and was diagnosed with tuberous sclerosis in 1986,which has the seizures as part of the condition.Back then,I was waking up in the bathroom floor,and having grand mals at work. I was taking(then)dilantin and tegretol. I had to let the dilantin go because of the gum swelling,and the tegretol was lowering my sodium level. I am now on Keppra,I just had it upped to 3500mg a day from 3000mg,because of the '1000 yard stare' type of seizures,which were accompanied by drooling,then I'd be in denial that it happened. I am also on Neurontin,3000mg/day.My neoro doc stopped me from driving until he saw how this new dosage was gonna work.I feel so outta control,its awful!You ask yourself,why do I have to have this mess?All you want to do is be normal,I held down a factory job for over twenty years,but my doc had me on a restricted 40 hr week,due to the extreme physical labor and heat.The meds have affected my temper to the point I will speak whats on my mind and can snap when I get frustrated. I realized I couldn't do the job anymore,as I had a much younger boss that blamed me for all his shortcomings,so I resigned.Currently I am trying to get disability.But what really sucks is you feel like a prisoner and can't have the freedom to come/go as you please. I know its selfish,and for my own and everyone else's safety,but having to depend on others to take you here/there sucks!You just want to be normal.I have also noticed a weight gain,perhaps this is from the meds.I know my family is looking out for my best interests,but it makes you feel like you are under a microscope all the time.Don't you all agree?Thanks for letting me vent.