Epilepsy, Major Depressive Disorder and Overwhelmed

I was just diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 33 on March 21st, 2016 after I had three tonic-clonic seizures in one day - two at work where I was rushed away to the ER and one immediately upon returning home from the ER. I ended up spending two additional days at a different hospital but they found no apparent cause and put me on Keppra. My first appointment with my neurologist will be April 25th. I had one prior tonic clonic seizure while on a hike in 2013 but at the time the ER staff were hesitant to call it a seizure, so I had no expectation that this might happen again. They come with no warning, I just wake up on the floor without the faintest clue who I am or where I am and feeling like I am going to vomit everywhere. I have since learned this is called post-ictal confusion and it is my personal opinion that it's terrible. So far I've been lucky enough that people were around me when I had seizures but I am afraid to have one when I am home by myself and wake up not knowing what's going on. I already have severe major depressive disorder and have dealt with that most of my life. I've done everything from multiple psychotropic meds to Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (which failed) in an attempt to get it under control. The magic ticket seemed to be Wellbutrin, at last, something that actually seems to control my depression. I was forced to quit it cold turkey with the diagnosis of epilepsy. They also told me that bearing children was going to be medically complicated moving forward, and it was already so medically complicated before the epilepsy diagnosis, I doubted it would be possible even then. So I feel like we are slamming the door on childbirth for good. I've been married nearly 10 years and we are so beyond ready to be parents, but now we have to save the money for adoption which could take years, especially if I have to keep going to the ER due to cluster seizures. And could I even safely take care of kids? The Keppra makes it nearly impossible for me to think properly. I'm used to problem-solving life challenges and tend to be really good at strategic planning, but I have no will or capacity to do it. Couldn't even tell you what our financial situation looks like because when I open our budget software it's just a blur of numbers. When I don't feel high or sleepy from the meds, I feel anxious and depressed. I have Ativan for anxiety and right now I can't sleep at night without it. Thursday was my first good day since the seizures - I was able to complete 4 hours of office work from home, a load of laundry, and dishes. Then the next day everything fell apart. I need to do more work (I write grants for a living) but I don't have the brain capacity to do it. I work part time so that I can work on my novel two days a week - I am fortunate that is an option for me. But right now I can't write anything. The one thing I most need for healing is now just another source of frustration. I was finally getting my life together again after a terrible year and this diagnosis was just like a bomb going off. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I want to die. I can't die because my husband needs me. Though I feel useless and now that I cannot drive I am more socially isolated than ever. My work has been very supportive of the new diagnosis but I still feel like an idiot and like I'm letting everyone down. I just returned this week, mostly working from home except Mondays. I agreed to post a seizure protocol and emergency contact info on my cubicle wall which I know I'm not legally required to do but it seemed like a reasonable request from HR after freaking everybody out like that. It was still embarrassing, basically anyone who walks by my desk will know immediately I am epileptic. Naturally both of my therapists have been on vacation since before the seizures so I have had no one to objectively process this with. I try not to bother people with my problems (other than strangers on the internet.) I've tried to put a brave face on this, I know people routinely go through far worse, but I am feeling neither strong nor brave, I just want to quit life. I just want to know if anyone else had a rough adjustment period following diagnosis and how they got through it. Thanks for listening, Christy