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Non-understanding husband
Fri, 06/07/2013 - 20:58Comments
Re: Non-understanding husband
Submitted by SunShyne on Sun, 2013-06-09 - 15:45
First off, a little general help for a new marriage: in a relationship, any problem has two sides. Own what you can, and try to understand his side. The only part of the equation that you can change is your own response.
Let me see if I can offer some insight on his side. I don't understand the types of seizures you are describing. We are too new to this ourselves and don't have a specific diagnosis. Three months ago, a grand mal seizure lead us to a neurologist, and now we can see that the past three years have all been seizure-related issues.
On a bad day, when I come home from work, my spouse just isn't present. She thinks she is, she tries hard to be present, but the electrical storms keep her from being able to. When I talk about something that happened at work, sometimes she can't hear what the problem is, and blows it off as something trivial. Other times there is a blankness to her facial expressions and responses that is ...awful...like being ignored. But she isn't aware of it/ can't change it, and all I can do is learn to accept it as the fault of epilepsy- the third person in our relationship.
That's the part on the surface. Sometimes I am talking about something trivial, because I'm gauging the reaction. Some days I can't risk talking about something important and being ignored- it's just too painful. So I start with something easy.
The next thing is that if she's had a bad day, I've now come home to a new job. Did the washcloths get put with the dishtowels? Were the towels shoved into the closet, and need to be folded again and put away properly? Who did she call? Please, please tell me you didn't change any of the bills again... it can be exhausting. And all of this comes with the grumpiness and negativity that you mentioned above.
It's been 25y since we met. There are good years and bad years in a relationship that long. Just keep talking, and listening to both sides of it. Y estoy feliz hablar con el. I could use some advice myself.
First off, a little general help for a new marriage: in a relationship, any problem has two sides. Own what you can, and try to understand his side. The only part of the equation that you can change is your own response.
Let me see if I can offer some insight on his side. I don't understand the types of seizures you are describing. We are too new to this ourselves and don't have a specific diagnosis. Three months ago, a grand mal seizure lead us to a neurologist, and now we can see that the past three years have all been seizure-related issues.
On a bad day, when I come home from work, my spouse just isn't present. She thinks she is, she tries hard to be present, but the electrical storms keep her from being able to. When I talk about something that happened at work, sometimes she can't hear what the problem is, and blows it off as something trivial. Other times there is a blankness to her facial expressions and responses that is ...awful...like being ignored. But she isn't aware of it/ can't change it, and all I can do is learn to accept it as the fault of epilepsy- the third person in our relationship.
That's the part on the surface. Sometimes I am talking about something trivial, because I'm gauging the reaction. Some days I can't risk talking about something important and being ignored- it's just too painful. So I start with something easy.
The next thing is that if she's had a bad day, I've now come home to a new job. Did the washcloths get put with the dishtowels? Were the towels shoved into the closet, and need to be folded again and put away properly? Who did she call? Please, please tell me you didn't change any of the bills again... it can be exhausting. And all of this comes with the grumpiness and negativity that you mentioned above.
It's been 25y since we met. There are good years and bad years in a relationship that long. Just keep talking, and listening to both sides of it. Y estoy feliz hablar con el. I could use some advice myself.
Re: Non-understanding husband
Submitted by pkdz on Sat, 2013-06-08 - 22:52
I was having complex partial seizures without realizing it. Once they started changing my medications, it did seem like my seizures were getting worse. Or was I just more aware of them.? But a videotaped EEG explained it all. Without medication in my system, I had 15 seizures in 24 hours. All of them came from my right temporaral lobe. I hope that your husband is able to understand that this is a process for you: you are learning about your seizures and it's helpful to keep track of them. Best wishes to you. I know how important it is to have someone who really understands.