HOW CAN I HANDLE THIS BETTER?

Hello, My friends call me blue :) I am epileptic. I started having seizures as a baby and stopped having them at 14....until the day at work when I was 27 when it started again out of nowhere. I am now 35 and take Tegretol XR every day to help battle the seizures. I am up to 1000 mg. a day of the Tegretol and still have the seizures. They are controlled a lot of the time but I continue to have days like this last Monday where I had three in one day. One of which was at work. I tend to feel very upset when the seizures happen and tend to withdraw emotionally from everyone around me. I think because I am a bit embarrased to have people see me so completely out of control. I am so emotionally spent after a seizure...let alone 3 in one day. The sore muscles, bruises and embarrasment. I get so frustrated with the illness and the fact that with the amount of medication I take my memory is almost completely gone. I won't remember what I did 20 minutes ago. I will tell my husband the same thing three or four times in one evening. He is very understanding and so patient and is always there to help me when I need him. I still feel so inadequate and I guess that now as an adult I am handling the epilesy worse than I handled it as a child. How do I get over the frustration of not being able to change this and how can I feel like a "normal" person instead of such a freak. I would love to get the chance to get to know others like me and any secrets they may have on handling epilepsy and not feeling so helpless. You may also reply to blues21@sbcglobal.net