Scary Partial Seizures

Hello, first Post. About 5 years ago I first had a major seizure (where I was unconscious) after withdrawing from alcohol one day. A few months later and I had another seizure even though I had been sober since the first one. The doctors did some tests including an MRI, when I went back they said I didn't have epilepsy. The major seizures have stopped now(nearly 2 years). Bur instead I have what I think are partial seizures, which is a deja-vu like feeling but with a scary edge. It sometimes feels like spirits telling me that I'm going to hell. I went to the doctor about this when they first started happening but the doctor thought it must have been some kind of panic attack and prescribed me beta blockers. In a perverse way I sometimes now find these episodes interesting, as maybe the same reason that people watch scary movies, they like being scared sometimes. But from what I have read, these partial seizures are not good for ones brain health especially if they are quite frequent which they are at the moment. I have self medicated with diazepam and other benzodiazepines in the past, but I don't like to due this due to their addictive nature. Not sure what to do. Rob