Post-Ictal Depression and Relationships

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I recently had a grand mal that sent me into a spiral. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, I want to scream all the time, and I both want to be alone and not alone. I'm anxious all the time, but I find myself pushing away the most important person in my life. I'm afraid of hurting him. I'm also afraid that I'll become a burden on him. I know it's not fair to take away his choice, but wouldn't his life be easier without me?

Comments

Hello!I can really relate to

Submitted by Ellabella_5c8142315329e on Fri, 2020-01-24 - 15:37

Hello!I can really relate to what you are going through. Every day feels like a struggle. I often miss my old self who was happy and positive all the time. It feels like Keppra is the pill form of depression. I find myself sad, upset, and frustrated nearly every day and often need to sneak away from class just to let the tears out. I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone, and these sad feelings are not you. It is so extremely hard to convince yourself that "it's the medication" when you're in the bathroom crying telling yourself that everything sucks. It's not fair. I hope sometime in the near future- the side effects of your medications will lessen, and you will start feeling like yourself again. I try to remind myself as often as I possibly can "it's just the medication... it's just the medication..." but the feelings are so real in the moment.I'm not sure how long you've been on Keppra, but my doctor told me every time you start Keppra or up the dose, people will experience bad side effects for a month or two. I know this can feel like forever, but I too am hoping there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Until then, I thought I'd offer a few coping mechanisms that usually make me feel better:1.) Ask yourself how bad your symptoms are on a scale of 1-10. If they are 5 or below I usually focus on the generic coping mechanisms such as: watching a funny show, looking at funny memes, calling up a family member, trying the whole "fake it till you make it" attitude, go for a quick walk, accomplish a small and easy task, etc... Symptoms that are 1-5, my main goal is to lift my spirits again and try to distract myself until the feeling passes.2. If your symptoms are 6 or higher (or the feeling doesn't pass) I stop with the strategies listed above. Sometimes you really need to let out how you feel. It's okay to grieve your illness and all the horrible effects it causes you. I'll say it again because someone might miss it:IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE YOUR ILLNESS! Living with epilepsy is so incredibly unfair. You did not deserve this. You are so incredibly strong for keeping it together when you need to but it is really, really hard. It's okay to let your feelings out. I will usually find somewhere I can be alone for a little when it gets to this point. I may write down everything I'm feeling but I normally find myself on some kind of forum for people who are struggling with a chronic disease. It makes me feel better knowing so many people with my disease are going through what I'm going through. I like reading poetry about living with a chronic illness. Sometimes you just need to let it out and cry. Many of my friends and family try to sympathize, but no one really, truly understands what this is like- except for you guys on here. You are allowed to stop your tasks (school, work, responsibilities) for a minute and not feel guilty for giving yourself time. This time you spent crying or sleeping or watching T.V was not wasted (although it may feel this way). You are coping the best you know how. You have been through so much with this disease. We are all still learning how to cope. Lastly, please take care of yourself the best you can. Some days you may need to cancel all your plans and responsibilities and that is okay. Just try to remember, it's the medication- not me. However, if you stay in a really bad place (for what feels like too long- could be a day, could be a week- this is different for everyone) please seek out additional help. This could include a therapist, your doctor, this website, etc... but don't wait until you start questioning your life. Remember, this world would not be the same without you. You are loved and appreciated. You are capable and extremely strong. I have no doubt in my mind that anyone battling this horrible disease has the capacity to overcome these depressive states. You can do this. Even if you don't believe in yourself, just know there are so many people on here that know exactly what you're going through and believe in you! You absolutely got this! Take care,-Ella

Hello!I can really relate to what you are going through. Every day feels like a struggle. I often miss my old self who was happy and positive all the time. It feels like Keppra is the pill form of depression. I find myself sad, upset, and frustrated nearly every day and often need to sneak away from class just to let the tears out. I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone, and these sad feelings are not you. It is so extremely hard to convince yourself that "it's the medication" when you're in the bathroom crying telling yourself that everything sucks. It's not fair. I hope sometime in the near future- the side effects of your medications will lessen, and you will start feeling like yourself again. I try to remind myself as often as I possibly can "it's just the medication... it's just the medication..." but the feelings are so real in the moment.I'm not sure how long you've been on Keppra, but my doctor told me every time you start Keppra or up the dose, people will experience bad side effects for a month or two. I know this can feel like forever, but I too am hoping there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Until then, I thought I'd offer a few coping mechanisms that usually make me feel better:1.) Ask yourself how bad your symptoms are on a scale of 1-10. If they are 5 or below I usually focus on the generic coping mechanisms such as: watching a funny show, looking at funny memes, calling up a family member, trying the whole "fake it till you make it" attitude, go for a quick walk, accomplish a small and easy task, etc... Symptoms that are 1-5, my main goal is to lift my spirits again and try to distract myself until the feeling passes.2. If your symptoms are 6 or higher (or the feeling doesn't pass) I stop with the strategies listed above. Sometimes you really need to let out how you feel. It's okay to grieve your illness and all the horrible effects it causes you. I'll say it again because someone might miss it:IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE YOUR ILLNESS! Living with epilepsy is so incredibly unfair. You did not deserve this. You are so incredibly strong for keeping it together when you need to but it is really, really hard. It's okay to let your feelings out. I will usually find somewhere I can be alone for a little when it gets to this point. I may write down everything I'm feeling but I normally find myself on some kind of forum for people who are struggling with a chronic disease. It makes me feel better knowing so many people with my disease are going through what I'm going through. I like reading poetry about living with a chronic illness. Sometimes you just need to let it out and cry. Many of my friends and family try to sympathize, but no one really, truly understands what this is like- except for you guys on here. You are allowed to stop your tasks (school, work, responsibilities) for a minute and not feel guilty for giving yourself time. This time you spent crying or sleeping or watching T.V was not wasted (although it may feel this way). You are coping the best you know how. You have been through so much with this disease. We are all still learning how to cope. Lastly, please take care of yourself the best you can. Some days you may need to cancel all your plans and responsibilities and that is okay. Just try to remember, it's the medication- not me. However, if you stay in a really bad place (for what feels like too long- could be a day, could be a week- this is different for everyone) please seek out additional help. This could include a therapist, your doctor, this website, etc... but don't wait until you start questioning your life. Remember, this world would not be the same without you. You are loved and appreciated. You are capable and extremely strong. I have no doubt in my mind that anyone battling this horrible disease has the capacity to overcome these depressive states. You can do this. Even if you don't believe in yourself, just know there are so many people on here that know exactly what you're going through and believe in you! You absolutely got this! Take care,-Ella

Hello!I can really relate to what you are going through. Every day feels like a struggle. I often miss my old self who was happy and positive all the time. It feels like Keppra is the pill form of depression. I find myself sad, upset, and frustrated nearly every day and often need to sneak away from class just to let the tears out. I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone, and these sad feelings are not you. It is so extremely hard to convince yourself that "it's the medication" when you're in the bathroom crying telling yourself that everything sucks. It's not fair. I hope sometime in the near future- the side effects of your medications will lessen, and you will start feeling like yourself again. I try to remind myself as often as I possibly can "it's just the medication... it's just the medication..." but the feelings are so real in the moment.I'm not sure how long you've been on Keppra, but my doctor told me every time you start Keppra or up the dose, people will experience bad side effects for a month or two. I know this can feel like forever, but I too am hoping there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Until then, I thought I'd offer a few coping mechanisms that usually make me feel better:1.) Ask yourself how bad your symptoms are on a scale of 1-10. If they are 5 or below I usually focus on the generic coping mechanisms such as: watching a funny show, looking at funny memes, calling up a family member, trying the whole "fake it till you make it" attitude, go for a quick walk, accomplish a small and easy task, etc... Symptoms that are 1-5, my main goal is to lift my spirits again and try to distract myself until the feeling passes.2. If your symptoms are 6 or higher (or the feeling doesn't pass) I stop with the strategies listed above. Sometimes you really need to let out how you feel. It's okay to grieve your illness and all the horrible effects it causes you. I'll say it again because someone might miss it:IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE YOUR ILLNESS! Living with epilepsy is so incredibly unfair. You did not deserve this. You are so incredibly strong for keeping it together when you need to but it is really, really hard. It's okay to let your feelings out. I will usually find somewhere I can be alone for a little when it gets to this point. I may write down everything I'm feeling but I normally find myself on some kind of forum for people who are struggling with a chronic disease. It makes me feel better knowing so many people with my disease are going through what I'm going through. I like reading poetry about living with a chronic illness. Sometimes you just need to let it out and cry. Many of my friends and family try to sympathize, but no one really, truly understands what this is like- except for you guys on here. You are allowed to stop your tasks (school, work, responsibilities) for a minute and not feel guilty for giving yourself time. This time you spent crying or sleeping or watching T.V was not wasted (although it may feel this way). You are coping the best you know how. You have been through so much with this disease. We are all still learning how to cope. Lastly, please take care of yourself the best you can. Some days you may need to cancel all your plans and responsibilities and that is okay. Just try to remember, it's the medication- not me. However, if you stay in a really bad place (for what feels like too long- could be a day, could be a week- this is different for everyone) please seek out additional help. This could include a therapist, your doctor, this website, etc... but don't wait until you start questioning your life. Remember, this world would not be the same without you. You are loved and appreciated. You are capable and extremely strong. I have no doubt in my mind that anyone battling this horrible disease has the capacity to overcome these depressive states. You can do this. Even if you don't believe in yourself, just know there are so many people on here that know exactly what you're going through and believe in you! You absolutely got this! Take care,-Ella

Hi, Thank you for posting, it

Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 2020-01-24 - 17:14

Hi, Thank you for posting, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Being diagnosed with epilepsy can be upsetting and make you feel isolated and alone. However, as Ella mentioned in her comment, it's important to remember that you are not alone, and we are here to help support you. If you ever need to speak with someone please contact our Epilepsy and Seizures 24/7 Helpline, where trained information specialists are available to answer your questions, offer help, hope, support,guidance, and access to national and local resources. 1-800-332-1000, or contactus@efa.org. epilepsy.com/helpline One of the most important things to help you live with epilepsy is to find a support network. Learn more about your community support options here: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsy/social-concernsOr contact your local Epilepsy Foundation: https://www.epilepsy.com/affiliates to find support groups, events, and programs in your community. A key part of managing seizures and epilepsy is knowing how it can affect a person's independence and day-to-day needs. Visit our independent living pages here: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/independent-living ,to learn more about resources that are available & when help is needed.Additionally, you may want to consider participating in treatment, seizure and lifestyle management programs, which can help people with epilepsy learn skills to better manage their epilepsyand its effects on daily life: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/managing-your-epilepsy/what-managing-epilepsy-well-network It is common for those living with epilepsy to experience feelings of depression and anxiety. It’s important that you continue to address those challenges with your healthcare team, as well as any changes in changes in seizure types/frequency, behaviors, sides effects & symptoms. https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsyIt is also important to recognize that epilepsy is more than just seizures, overall well-being and emotional health is just as important: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/healthy-living/emotional-health The Wellness Institute: epilepsy.com/wellness ,has many helpful and easy-to-use tips & resources for maintaining a healthy lifestyle and maximizing the quality of life for you & your family. For practical & effective strategies to enhance your well-being, learn more here: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/toolbox/wellness-support-tools

Hi, Thank you for posting, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Being diagnosed with epilepsy can be upsetting and make you feel isolated and alone. However, as Ella mentioned in her comment, it's important to remember that you are not alone, and we are here to help support you. If you ever need to speak with someone please contact our Epilepsy and Seizures 24/7 Helpline, where trained information specialists are available to answer your questions, offer help, hope, support,guidance, and access to national and local resources. 1-800-332-1000, or contactus@efa.org. epilepsy.com/helpline  One of the most important things to help you live with epilepsy is to find a support network. Learn more about your community support options here: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsy/social-concernsOr contact your local Epilepsy Foundation: https://www.epilepsy.com/affiliates  to find support groups, events, and programs in your community. A key part of managing seizures and epilepsy is knowing how it can affect a person's independence and day-to-day needs. Visit our independent living pages here: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/independent-living ,to learn more about resources that are available & when help is needed.Additionally, you may want to consider participating in treatment, seizure and lifestyle management programs, which can help people with epilepsy learn skills to better manage their epilepsyand its effects on daily life: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/managing-your-epilepsy/what-managing-epilepsy-well-network It is common for those living with epilepsy to experience feelings of depression and anxiety. It’s important that you continue to address those challenges with your healthcare team, as well as any changes in changes in seizure types/frequency, behaviors, sides effects & symptoms. https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsyIt is also important to recognize that epilepsy is more than just seizures, overall well-being and emotional health is just as important:  https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/healthy-living/emotional-health   The Wellness Institute:  epilepsy.com/wellness  ,has many helpful and easy-to-use tips & resources for maintaining a healthy lifestyle and maximizing the quality of life for you & your family.  For practical & effective strategies to enhance your well-being, learn more here:  https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/toolbox/wellness-support-tools 

Hi, Thank you for posting, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Being diagnosed with epilepsy can be upsetting and make you feel isolated and alone. However, as Ella mentioned in her comment, it's important to remember that you are not alone, and we are here to help support you. If you ever need to speak with someone please contact our Epilepsy and Seizures 24/7 Helpline, where trained information specialists are available to answer your questions, offer help, hope, support,guidance, and access to national and local resources. 1-800-332-1000, or contactus@efa.org. epilepsy.com/helpline One of the most important things to help you live with epilepsy is to find a support network. Learn more about your community support options here: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsy/social-concernsOr contact your local Epilepsy Foundation: https://www.epilepsy.com/affiliates to find support groups, events, and programs in your community. A key part of managing seizures and epilepsy is knowing how it can affect a person's independence and day-to-day needs. Visit our independent living pages here: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/independent-living ,to learn more about resources that are available & when help is needed.Additionally, you may want to consider participating in treatment, seizure and lifestyle management programs, which can help people with epilepsy learn skills to better manage their epilepsyand its effects on daily life: https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/managing-your-epilepsy/what-managing-epilepsy-well-network It is common for those living with epilepsy to experience feelings of depression and anxiety. It’s important that you continue to address those challenges with your healthcare team, as well as any changes in changes in seizure types/frequency, behaviors, sides effects & symptoms. https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/challenges-epilepsyIt is also important to recognize that epilepsy is more than just seizures, overall well-being and emotional health is just as important: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/healthy-living/emotional-health The Wellness Institute: epilepsy.com/wellness ,has many helpful and easy-to-use tips & resources for maintaining a healthy lifestyle and maximizing the quality of life for you & your family. For practical & effective strategies to enhance your well-being, learn more here: https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/toolbox/wellness-support-tools