Justice?

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I feel a bit guilty posting this here today after reading so many other emotional stories and I realize that there is probably a 99 percent chance that any answer will be something like we cannot help you with this type of question, but I still have to try. It is a bit of a legal question, which is part of why I suspect the responses might not pour in but who knows? Maybe I am not the only one going through this sort of thing? The seizure story is very long but I will attempt to summarize it. Seizures in my sleep only, no doctors could find anything wrong, stuck on medicine, never had any issues for 20+ years, married for 8 years and forced to divorce, high stress and age caused the seizures to finally surface in the daytime (memory loss issues only – body in total robot mode during each event) and the doctors still could not find anything wrong. Increased medicine seemed to control them but several years later after hitting a parked car I had brain surgery that proved I have Epilepsy and had a Nueropace chip installed into my brain after the doctors at Stanford said “this will solve your problem”. Two years later and 15 pills a day, it is still not completely solved. The surgery and medicine has brought them down from 15 minute memory erasures to just brief moments of confusion, so it is better but not completely resolved. As expected, my license was suspended after the accident and I will not be able to legally drive again (nor do I want to) until the medicine\chip combination shows that things are under control. So here is why I am posting. Is it legal for the Court system in the State of California to “force to me drive” under these conditions? My children have needs and I have been meeting them through buses, trains and taxis to make sure that what is absolutely needed gets done and spending several thousand dollars in the process, but what is being discussed now is optional. They want to change the Court Order in a way that will basically increase this responsibility by a factor of 5. To clarify in advance, the Court and my former spouse do not know of my condition. I have made effort to do whatever I had to do to make things work out of fear it would be used against me, create a negative bias or make me lose custody (two teens). I mean no disrespect in any way to any War Veterans out there with this next comment, but the thought that I just can’t get out of my head is...If I just came back from Vietnam horribly injured with no legs and in a wheelchair, should the Court system be able to demand that I run laps around a track and jump over hurdles?. I want the best for my children, I work very hard (from home providing Global Technical Support on semiconductor products) and have a hard enough time making ends meet now, but how is fair that my unemployed former spouse with 8 contempt charges against her collects money from her husband and her boyfriend and her millionaire parents to pay for all of these wonderful things for our children and then demand the bill be spit down the middle and that I drive them to all of the events that she schedules during my custody? The additional activities alone will be a few thousand dollars and the increased transportation costs due to my disorder will basically put me on the streets. So they get to live in a 15 million dollar home and I get evicted from my apartment. How is this Justice? Yes, this last part is mostly just venting so I will summarize the basic question one more time. Does anyone know any legal reference codes or potential defense (California Law, San Mateo County) that I might be able to use to help assign ownership of transportation issues over to the other party until my health issues are resolved? If you got this far, I’m impressed. Thank you and best wishes to all of you out there who may be suffering from the emotional and physical stress associated with seizure disorders.

Comments

The courts are assuming you

Submitted by Amy Jo on Mon, 2019-02-11 - 00:13

The courts are assuming you can drive (as is an option for most adults and apparently was for you before) so somehow you are going to have to supply info that you cannot drive due to a health issue but you need to keep as much info private from your ex as that opens up other cans of worms because of the stigma of epilepsy. You seriously need a lawyer who can handle this as no one here can help that. The epilepsy foundation affiliate in your area may know some lawyers in your area that can help. I'd call them for info on where you can look for help.

Sorry to hear about that my

Submitted by Jazz101 on Mon, 2019-02-11 - 19:42

Sorry to hear about that my friend. That said, I am a bit confused, probably because I am not a parent. You have two kids who are in their "teenage" years; you have chosen taxies and public transportation to get them to and from school, like many "normal" parents do; and now you are getting a court order saying you should drive them to school? I am truly confused. Does the court order say why you should be driving them to school? Had they been in kindergarten I would have seen more merit in it. Court Orders are Court Orders. But the question here is does it have any merit given you now have teenagers? I am with Amy Jo in that you should speak with the Epilepsy Foundation in California or even the governing foundation. Also, ask about things like the American with Disabilities Act. You can probably call them. I think they have an 800 number. You don't have to disclose your medical records. Just find out if they have heard of any case; parent with teenagers who were in no harm or any educational restraint; and what the outcome was. The notion that just because you are a parent you have to drive your teenage kids to school when there are other methods of getting there is beyond ridiculous. I would get that Court Order to the foundation so they can see it word-for-word because personally. I really see no merit in the order, unless you had signed something years ago saying; "I herby agree to drive the kids to school until they are 20." Even if you did agree years ago to drive them to school, I doubt it said "for life."Now let's say you were deliberately withholding them from attending school, well, that would be a case with merit. But your kids are attending school, I assume.I think you should speak with a legal body the Foundation can refer you to. If your kids have been attending school then I really don't see how this order has any merit. By the way, find out from that legal body if you have to disclose your medical records because I am not sure you have to. After all, it's about your kids getting to school, not your health. And, I am assuming, they have been attending under your care. I feel for you my friend. But pause, take a deep breath, contact the Epilepsy Foundation and find out if they have ever heard of a case where a parent lost their teenagers all because he or she didn't personally drive them to school? They are teenagers. Not single digit age numbers. I would be amazed to know a parent lost custody of his or her children, children who attend school via other transportation methods versus being personally driven my mom or dad. If you have lived up to your responsibility as a parent so far then I fail to see how something like "just not personally driving teenagers to school; teenagers who are currently attending school via public transportation and taxies" can make you lose custody. That's like losing your teenagers because your car broke down and they had to take public transportation." Zero merit. Best Regards

Sorry to hear about that my friend. That said, I am a bit confused, probably because I am not a parent. You have two kids who are in their "teenage" years; you have chosen taxies and public transportation to get them to and from school, like many "normal" parents do; and now you are getting a court order saying you should drive them to school? I am truly confused. Does the court order say why you should be driving them to school? Had they been in kindergarten I would have seen more merit in it. Court Orders are Court Orders. But the question here is does it have any merit given you now have teenagers? I am with Amy Jo in that you should speak with the Epilepsy Foundation in California or even the governing foundation. Also, ask about things like the American with Disabilities Act. You can probably call them. I think they have an 800 number. You don't have to disclose your medical records. Just find out if they have heard of any case; parent with teenagers who were in no harm or any educational restraint; and what the outcome was. The notion that just because you are a parent you have to drive your teenage kids to school when there are other methods of getting there is beyond ridiculous. I would get that Court Order to the foundation so they can see it word-for-word because personally. I really see no merit in the order, unless you had signed something years ago saying; "I herby agree to drive the kids to school until they are 20." Even if you did agree years ago to drive them to school, I doubt it said "for life."Now let's say you were deliberately withholding them from attending school, well, that would be a case with merit. But your kids are attending school, I assume.I think you should speak with a legal body the Foundation can refer you to. If your kids have been attending school then I really don't see how this order has any merit. By the way, find out from that legal body if you have to disclose your medical records because I am not sure you have to. After all, it's about your kids getting to school, not your health. And, I am assuming, they have been attending under your care. I feel for you my friend. But pause, take a deep breath, contact the Epilepsy Foundation and find out if they have ever heard of a case where a parent lost their teenagers all because he or she didn't personally drive them to school? They are teenagers. Not single digit age numbers. I would be amazed to know a parent lost custody of his or her children, children who attend school via other transportation methods versus being personally driven my mom or dad. If you have lived up to your responsibility as a parent so far then I fail to see how something like "just not personally driving teenagers to school; teenagers who are currently attending school via public transportation and taxies" can make you lose custody. That's like losing your teenagers because your car broke down and they had to take public transportation." Zero merit. Best Regards

Sorry to hear about that my friend. That said, I am a bit confused, probably because I am not a parent. You have two kids who are in their "teenage" years; you have chosen taxies and public transportation to get them to and from school, like many "normal" parents do; and now you are getting a court order saying you should drive them to school? I am truly confused. Does the court order say why you should be driving them to school? Had they been in kindergarten I would have seen more merit in it. Court Orders are Court Orders. But the question here is does it have any merit given you now have teenagers? I am with Amy Jo in that you should speak with the Epilepsy Foundation in California or even the governing foundation. Also, ask about things like the American with Disabilities Act. You can probably call them. I think they have an 800 number. You don't have to disclose your medical records. Just find out if they have heard of any case; parent with teenagers who were in no harm or any educational restraint; and what the outcome was. The notion that just because you are a parent you have to drive your teenage kids to school when there are other methods of getting there is beyond ridiculous. I would get that Court Order to the foundation so they can see it word-for-word because personally. I really see no merit in the order, unless you had signed something years ago saying; "I herby agree to drive the kids to school until they are 20." Even if you did agree years ago to drive them to school, I doubt it said "for life."Now let's say you were deliberately withholding them from attending school, well, that would be a case with merit. But your kids are attending school, I assume.I think you should speak with a legal body the Foundation can refer you to. If your kids have been attending school then I really don't see how this order has any merit. By the way, find out from that legal body if you have to disclose your medical records because I am not sure you have to. After all, it's about your kids getting to school, not your health. And, I am assuming, they have been attending under your care. I feel for you my friend. But pause, take a deep breath, contact the Epilepsy Foundation and find out if they have ever heard of a case where a parent lost their teenagers all because he or she didn't personally drive them to school? They are teenagers. Not single digit age numbers. I would be amazed to know a parent lost custody of his or her children, children who attend school via other transportation methods versus being personally driven my mom or dad. If you have lived up to your responsibility as a parent so far then I fail to see how something like "just not personally driving teenagers to school; teenagers who are currently attending school via public transportation and taxies" can make you lose custody. That's like losing your teenagers because your car broke down and they had to take public transportation." Zero merit. Best Regards

Thank you so much for your

Submitted by Matty2020 on Tue, 2019-02-12 - 21:47

Thank you so much for your feedback. Both you and Amy Jo gave some sound advice.I think I may have been venting a bit that night and not perfectly clear. The school thing is a pain because it is a catholic school 20 plus miles from where I live now that requires a bus and a train and waking up earlier, which does not exactly make a 13 year old kid happy. The real issue is sporting events. They are very spoiled kids. It used to be simple things like basketball or volleyball. I am ordered by the Court to pay for at least one activity per child, per year but that does not stop my former spouse from scheduling 10 others. Now it is things like rowing and water polo and Lacrosse and they can be all over the place. If it was one I signed them up for or was paying for, I accepted the travel cost, but the issue now is a Court fight to make the 1 event per kid per year thing become a 1 event per season per kid thing, which will quadruple the transportation needs if they buy into it. That also does not stop her from scheduling several others. Historically I have pushed back on those and forced ownership on her, but it still causes stress which then in turn has an impact on the seizures. Like Amy Jo was suggesting, I think I just need a comfortable medium where I am not abused, treated unfairly or expected to do things that the EX knows I cannot do, but the message of WHY I cannot do them needs to be delivered in a way that does not just cause more problems. Thank you both.