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Smile Awhile!

Mon, 07/03/2006 - 05:26
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair 3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2. Wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1. Growing old is mandatory; Growing up is optional. 2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Comments

Re: Smile Awhile!

Submitted by spiz on Mon, 2006-07-03 - 06:06
1. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere ... and let the air out of their tires. 2. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 3. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. 4. Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car. 5. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will never die. 6. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full. 7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 8. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. 9. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. 10. How come one match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole pack to start a campfire?

Re: Re: Smile Awhile!

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 2006-07-03 - 09:02
Love these Spiz! Keep smilin'!

Re: Re: Re: Smile Awhile!

Submitted by spiz on Mon, 2006-07-03 - 18:15
Sage Advice from Children 1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. 2. When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. 3. Never talk back to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. 4. Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. 5. Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. 6. Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 7. Don't flush the toilet when you're dad's in the shower. 8. Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. 9. Never bug a pregnant mom. 10. Don't ever be too full for dessert. 11. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. 12. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. 14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. 15. Never try to baptize a cat. 16. Never do pranks at a police station. 17. Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. 18. Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. 19. Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. 20. Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. 21. Stay away from prunes. 22. Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

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