First of all this is going to be poorly written and I doubt anyone will read it but I feel like writing this might be therapeutic for me. so here goes-
My name is Hannah and I'm 20 years old entering my final year at Western Washington University. I was diagnosed with petite mal absence and myoclonic seizures when I was 15 and 1/2 years old. It's been a really long journey of finding the right medication and what works with me. In high school I had times where I was taking up to 15 pills a day, now after trial and error I am on Lamictal 300mg ER. It's been great only taking the one pill each morning and I have been really good about taking it. But that's not what this is about, I'm 20 and the only one in my friend group who isn't 21. Now, I used to drink when I entered college, very cautiously as I know what can happen with alcohol and epilepsy. However, one night I wasn't very careful and I had my firs grand mal seizure. Since then I have not taken so much as a sip of alcohol.Now I smoke weed sometimes to help my anxiety or for recreation. Most of the time it doesn't phase me that I'm the only one not drinking and my friend are all very understanding and supportive. But sometimes its not easy. Today was one of those days. I had an evening shift. While I was at work all of my friends ate dinner and went out to the bars. Now, like I said I don't drink but i'm also not 21. The combination of those two things really weighed heavy on me today as I felt consistently the odd one out. Along with being left home alone and being the only one who can't drink, I am going through some health issues. None of my friends have this. None of them understand what its like to heave health issues that hold you back. I cant drink, I cant stay up too late (sleep deprivation is a trigger for my seizures), I cant go to a party without someone making sure there aren't any strobe lights. SO many things that my friends don't think about. Some days, all of it gets too heavy and its rough. It gets so hard and I dont think anyone else realizes (or can truly understand) the weight I feel everyday.