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I just had my very first grand mal and I'm terrified

I just had my very first bad seizure (grand mal) after roughly 7 years of absence seizures.  I never told anyone about these because I thought they would judge me too harshly and I would be alone for the rest of my life.  It happened in a mall and in front of my boyfriend no less.  I woke up in his lap with the paramedics over me asking questions.  They took me to the ER where I had another one in front of my whole family and boyfriend.  I'm so scared at what he thinks and that if my seizures will stay grand mal.   I'm just scared to go out in public, be around my boyfriend, go to work, and go to school in the fall due to fear of having a grand mal in public again; goodness it was so embarressing.  Can anyone help me settle these fears of mine and if anyone else has these fears, please let me know because I feel like I'm the only one.

Comments

Re: I just had my very first grand mal and I'm terrified

Submitted by phoenix15 on Thu, 2011-08-11 - 15:15

Hi,

You are not alone. My first seizure was in front of my boyfriend too. It was a grand mal too. I also had two in the ambulance on the way to the ER. My boyfriend was great- he stayed with me through everything. After my first one I didn't want to go to school. I was scared that one would happen in school. The doctors hadn't given me an answer as to why. I didn't know what had caused so it was kind of hard to go back to my normal life with the worry always on my mind. I actually shied away from the word "seizure" because it scared me.

Then I had four seizures in school. One was in a study hall with only a couple people in there. My boyfriend knew I didn't want people to know so he found them and asked them to keep it to themselves. I've had three seizures in the same class actually. A full class (for my high school) which was 18 students saw it. I couldn't tell they were coming on so everyone saw it. I know how you feel. I was embarassed and a little ashamed. I didn't want them to know. I didn't know how to address it or if I should. Sometimes I felt like I had a target on my back.

I've realized now though that no one can tell you have seizures by just looking at you. And people may surprise you. I'm going to college in the fall so of course I had to tell my roommate I have epilepsy. She was great about it. We're actually getting to be good friends. Like I mentioned, my boyfriend at the time was great. We actually stayed together for nearly two and a half years after my first seizure. We have gone our seperate ways now but not because I have epilepsy. He was okay with that. It's not my place but I would say talk to your boyfriend about your having seizures if you haven't already. Keep your head up. You are not alone.

Hi,

You are not alone. My first seizure was in front of my boyfriend too. It was a grand mal too. I also had two in the ambulance on the way to the ER. My boyfriend was great- he stayed with me through everything. After my first one I didn't want to go to school. I was scared that one would happen in school. The doctors hadn't given me an answer as to why. I didn't know what had caused so it was kind of hard to go back to my normal life with the worry always on my mind. I actually shied away from the word "seizure" because it scared me.

Then I had four seizures in school. One was in a study hall with only a couple people in there. My boyfriend knew I didn't want people to know so he found them and asked them to keep it to themselves. I've had three seizures in the same class actually. A full class (for my high school) which was 18 students saw it. I couldn't tell they were coming on so everyone saw it. I know how you feel. I was embarassed and a little ashamed. I didn't want them to know. I didn't know how to address it or if I should. Sometimes I felt like I had a target on my back.

I've realized now though that no one can tell you have seizures by just looking at you. And people may surprise you. I'm going to college in the fall so of course I had to tell my roommate I have epilepsy. She was great about it. We're actually getting to be good friends. Like I mentioned, my boyfriend at the time was great. We actually stayed together for nearly two and a half years after my first seizure. We have gone our seperate ways now but not because I have epilepsy. He was okay with that. It's not my place but I would say talk to your boyfriend about your having seizures if you haven't already. Keep your head up. You are not alone.

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