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I don’t know what to do

Fri, 01/04/2019 - 23:21
Hello. I have an older brother (he’s 19), and sometimes he’s haveing what we call tremors, he gets REALLY angry. He will yell at everyone and keep on trying to go to work and I don’t want to yell back because that will make him become more furious and become violent. I just do know what to do. I don’t know if this is because of his epilepsy or what. If anyone has anything for me let me know. Thank you.


Sam,All my life I have had

Submitted by birdman on Sat, 2019-01-05 - 09:12
Sam,All my life I have had increased anger and aggression caused by my epilepsy and/ or the medications I have taken for it.  Many people refuse to acknowledge how much epilepsy can effect mood.  Even some doctor have denied it, but they are getting much better at see the association.  As a patient I can tell my doctor about this and he or she just will take note of it.  But when another person (like my mother) has mentioned the severity of the problem to my doctor I think they take it a little more seriously.  Is there some way you can convey your concern to to your brother's doctor?  If he also realizes the extent of the problem he may appreciate your support.  However if he thinks you are making too big of a deal of something he may have more reason to get angry at you.  Be careful, but you need to share this concern with the person who manages his epilepsy.  Mike

Sorry to hear about that Sam.

Submitted by Jazz101 on Sat, 2019-01-05 - 19:37
Sorry to hear about that Sam. You know, sometimes the reactions you see in individuals can be for multiple reasons. For beginners I don't know what his relationship is like with everyone else.With Epilepsy one can face many challenges. Sometimes it's just frustration of how others react to their diagnosis. Many do get frustrated if others close them seem very over protective, meaning overly cautious about what they should and shouldn't do. Don't get me wrong, with Epilepsy sometimes you do have to assess your dos and don'ts. For example, I can't drive, something I am fine with because I see it from a wider perspective. After all, just as I would not want others to put my life at risk, well, I also won't put the lives of others at risk.That said, having Epilepsy at the same time doesn't mean you have to give up all of your normalcies. Studies have shown that being too cautious of all your dos and don'ts can actually affect you in quite a negative way. Also, as Michael said, sometimes the medication also can have side effects that can make one seem more angry. In many cases it's not anger, just frustration. This has to be a challenge for you Sam. After all he is your brother and what happens in a family can affect just about everybody. So it's good that you decided to talk about it here where many may be able to give you some guidance. That said, to better guide you, we would need a better understanding of what the entire picture is. Are family members too over protective? It's not odd for that to happen. After all, the intention is always good. It's just the way the receiver feels about it that's catchy.Also, is his diagnosis relatively new, meaning about a year or less? Many take time to adjust to this diagnosis because they can feel it is eating away at their normalcy. I have been diagnosed before my teens. Also, because my family is spread out in the medical field, well, I never really saw this diagnosis as such a life changing something. But for many who are diagnosed in their mid teens and later, well, it can be a challenge. My advice to you Sam? If you do have conversations with your brother, ask him how he feels about his diagnosis. No forced conversation. Just a by the way something in the midst of a regular conversation. Again, that's given you do have lengthy conversations with him. Start the conversation with something you both have an interest in. Maybe sports. Individuals with Epilepsy face our own challenges. That said, we aren't necessarily people to be away from, given we do have conversations. Your bother's age also can be affecting how he responds. When we are in that 17-21 age, well, we have that feeling of being invincible. There is a key line in your writing which says; "He will yell at everyone and keep on trying to go to work.." Does that mean that others often try to prevent him from going to work?Here is what I will say to you Sam. If your brother deliberately sets out to be mean to everyone at home regardless of the circumstances, well, that may say something else. If you find it's more of an issue when his seizures become an issue, then that probably means he is having a difficult time dealing with either his diagnosis and/or the way others deal with him because of his diagnosis. I'm sorry this is affecting you so much Sam. I can imagine it is. But try to assess where it might be more centered. And a great way to start is if you are able to speak with your brother. Don't force a conversation. If he is watching a game just ask; "Who is in the lead?" If he responds, then you can say; "Mind if I sit down and take in the game with you?" If he is willing to say yes, then that may give you a chance to slowly increase your conversation with him because you may develop a better bond where he may be willing to say a few things.

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