I have epilepsy.

When I turned 12, I had a grand party. Four friends and I went to the mall and got 3 or 4 bags of candy, and we stayed up late. My four friends slept over at my house, one of which slept in my bedroom with me. The next morning I was expecting to wake up to breakfast in bed, a welcoming family, and four friends exclaiming, "Happy Birthday!!" But instead, I woke up laying down in the hall near my bedroom with paramedics circling me, checking my vital signs. On my 12th birthday, at my birthday party, was my first grand mal.

That night I was afraid to go to bed because I was certain that I would wake up in the middle of the hall again after a seizure. Every morning after that night for a year, I had a seizure because I let fear and anxiety take over my life. My most frequent question or worry at that stage in my life was, "When is the next time I am going to have a seizure?" and, "I'm not ready for it! What if it happens in front of my friends again?" I let seizures take over my life. I was always anxious and frequently had panic attacks because I didn't know when the next one would come, and I was worried what my friends would think.

Later on in middle school, I had a seizure in class. It was another grand mal and it only lasted two minutes, but those two minutes ruined two years of my life. I was frequently called, "seizure sara" and was taunted by my so called "friends" when I walked past them in the halls, they would mimick me having a seizure. Again, I let fear and anxiety take over my life. There were many visits to a psychiatrist at that stage of my life.

I am now 19 and living on my own. I have one seizure every two weeks. I don't have grand mals any more, just petite mals.

The reason why I am having seizures every two weeks as opposed to once to five times a day is because I don't let it take control of my life any more. I don't think about it every second of the day, and most of all, I don't care what people think of me if I do have a seizure.

I am trying different therapies to control or cure my epilepsy.

I am taking hold of epilepsy and grasping it tight, trying to get my seizures to go away completely.

I have come a long way from that morning when I turned 12. That morning and those days afterwards I let epilepsy grasp and hold on to me.

I encourage people with epilepsy, or with any disorder, to take hold of it and try to make it go away through therapy, religion, or which ever way you can find.

Don't let epilepsy control your life. Don't let it control your thoughts or make you have fears or doubts about yourself. Don't let epilepsy have you.

I have epilepsy, epilepsy doesn't have me.